Life As We Know It
by MD14
Summary: If Andy can only handle life five minutes at a time, how can she possibly be expected to raise her god daughter?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N**: **Oh man, this inspiration comes from the movie, Life As We Know It, but I can assure you they'll be quite different. I didn't really want to take this on, but the idea popped into my head, and never really left me... so I don't know what I'm doing here, but let's just ride out this roller coaster, shall we?**

* * *

It had been a long-ass week... to put it gently. Things in the life of Andy McNally had been going far from right from the day she got back. But, more or less, she was starting to fall back into the swing of things.

At her own pace.

Which her therapist said was normal, so, she wasn't too worried. Even if the girl who was used to mapping out months of her life at a time, was now limited to five minutes.

Today, for the first time in a long time, she tried hard to believe she'd get there.

She could work closely with not one, but two of her exes in close quarters. Not to mention one of her exes new girlfriends.

That was where today had gone so terribly wrong. They had a blow up a couple of weeks ago when they first rode together, and decided they best keep their distance as much as they could. They could respect one another professionally, but their personal lives had too much over lap where a certain 'love of her life' was involved.

Riding together today was tense. Nothing was easy, they didn't trust each other the way partners should.

She wanted to fight for Sam. She had been determined. But that went out the window when she discovered that he didn't want her too. That he simply wanted simple. That he expected her to give him a shot at something uncomplicated, and find out if it could go deeper.

It stung. She tried to hate him, but she couldn't say she blamed him. She'd done the same thing once upon a time. Luke Callaghan was supposed to be her simply simple, her uncomplicated. But then it got complicated, it got deep, and it fell apart. In time, faking it stopped being enough, and she really had to give it a shot.

It ended with her being homeless, sort of.

Sam always pushed her to Luke, and she had pushed him to Marlo. He played a martyr, and she had been fooling herself thinking she could let go.

So Andy backed off. And not just 'lurked in the shadows at the Penny when she saw them enter, but secretly study their movements' backed off. She backed off.

If deep down he loved her, it wouldn't work with Marlo. And if it did work out, maybe that was the universe telling her something.

Andy laughed at herself and sank further into the luxurious bubble bath she'd drawn herself the second she walked through her door after shift. Poured herself a big glass of wine too.

The fucking universe, trying to tell _her_ something. She washed the thought down with a big gulp of pinot grigio.

She's pretty sure she got the message, eight months ago. Loud and crystal fucking clear.

Her cell phone is ringing in her bedroom, the distant steel guitar strum of 'Devil Takes Care Of His Own'.

Claire's calling.

She puts her wine glass back down on the edge of the tub, and slips her ears under the water, deciding she'll just wait it out. The noise of the empty and quiet room is cut off the moment the water cradles her face, everything submerged but her nose and mouth.

She can feel the water sloshing against the sides of her porcelain tub, sometimes passing over her lips until finally it stills too. Just like all the sound.

Nothing can pierce the serenity she's found in her bathtub this evening, and she just wants to be consumed by it.

The thoughts of her day are becoming nothing but a distant memory as she digs a little further back, to the last time he was here with her.

* * *

_"This is nice." She said, head leaning back against his chest while he ran her luffa up and down the tops of her thighs under the bubbles of her steaming hot bath. _

_He hummed in agreement and pressed a kiss to the hair above her ear._

_"I should get sick more often." She laughed, quickly turning into a cough that came deep from her diaphragm. Sam pushed her forward a little and rubbed up and down her spine before she fell limp against him again._

_"Wanna say that again?" He chuckled, turning her head slightly, going in for a kiss._

_"No." She said, meaning both that she wouldn't jinx herself again, or kiss him. "Last thing I need is for you to be sick."_

_"That's sweet McNally, caring for my health-"_

_"Not really." She mumbles, focusing on her wrinkly fingers for a second before he nudges her, looking for the real reason. "Who'll take care of me if you get sick too?"_

_He chuckles again, his forehead falling to meet the side of her tilted head. His laugh gets her going too, which eventually brings them back to her cough._

_"How many sick days do you have?" He asked, moving the luffa to her arms, running them up and down, easing her back into him once more._

_"Enough."_

_He nodded and slid down further into the tub, bringing her with him, and eventually moved his foot to the tap, adding just a little more hot water. They'd both lost track of just how much time they'd been in there, but if her prune-y skin was anything to go by, it was time to get out. _

_Neither could, or wanted to, propose it._

_"I have the next two days off, and you have no food..." He started to say, unsure of how else to say he was going to be nursing her back to health._

_He didn't even have a sarcastic way of saying it, twisting it to sound like a great inconvenience, but for her he'd do it. _

_The hot water was truly draining him. _

_"You can't sleep here Sam, I cough all night." She sighed, giving him her biggest of big doe eyes. As much as she wanted him there, he'd end up grumpy, and they would walk on eggshells to avoid an inevitable fight._

_"Got your Vicks rub?" He asked, voice even. She nodded. "Well I'll be sure to rub it in reeaal good." _

_His voice had changed, lower, huskier, his mouth is hot and open against the back of her neck._

_"And you'll sleep like a rock." He whispers closer to her ear, the hot air that he breathes with his words sending shivers down her spine._

_"And snore like a freight train." She quipped, quite sure that they'd be better off if he slept at his place._

_"You forget to quickly, I'm used to city noises at night. I find it comforting." _

_They didn't say anymore after that. They stayed in the water until it cooled and the wrinkles on her fingers and toes had gone to make way for the goose bumps that covered her arms and legs. _

_Once he helped her out, and wrapped a fluffy towel around her shoulders, he made good on his promise to help apply her couch rub, really thorough about covering her chest..._

_And though she was right, and he didn't sleep much at all, she wouldn't have slept without him._

* * *

When Andy brings her head above water again her cell phone is still ringing. It's been a while since she slipped under the surface.

The shrill ring of her cell phone ceases before she can even stand, and then her home phone starts ringing from her living room. She doesn't bother to dry herself with the towel before stepping off of the bath mat, and slides her way to the phone.

"Hello," She says, knowing already that something was definitely wrong.

"Andy, it's me, I have some news." Claire starts, relieved that Andy finally answered her phone, and terrified of what she had to tell her. "Jenny Matthews was in a car accident baby."

"Oh my God." Andy gasps into the phone, hand flying to her mouth, ready for the worst. Waiting for the other shoe to drop.

" They don't think she's going to make it." And there it is. Tears sting Andy's eyes, and she doesn't have the power to try keeping them at bay, she just doesn't care.

Jennifer Grace Matthews. Andy's childhood mischief making friend. They met in the third grade. Both sat in the back of Mrs. Kelly's class. Andy traded her cookies for gushers one lunch hour and the rest was history, they were attached at the hip. Since Jenny's mom had died when she was young, they figured the harder years out together. They were one another's crutch.

By the time they hit high school they had drifted a little, but remained friends. Jenny went to University in Calgary, and the distance affected their friendship.

By the time she came back to Toronto, pregnant, Andy had started her life at fifteen.

They both let their friendship die, in expectance that they could revive it when they had more time. But time had run out. That was it, and she would soon be gone. Andy only met Charlotte once.

"Mom, was Charlotte in the car?"

"No, thank God." Claire responds quickly, easing Andy's spiraling mind. "She's with a foster family right now-"

"A foster family?" Andy asks, surprised, and upset by it. Made sense though, why Claire knew, how Claire knew...

"Jenny's lawyer is here sweetie, I'm calling because there are some things that need to be discussed. And I know you'd like to say goodbye."

The tears rolling down Andy's cheeks were nearly uncontrollable now. She felt the world shift from beneath her.

Fine, she's a cop, she has to deal with the fact that her friends are in constant danger, but not Jenny.

Andy's not sure how she wrapped up the conversation with Claire, she doesn't remember calling for a cab. But next thing she knew, her phone was ringing again, letting her know the cab was outside, and she was walking, barely, down to catch it.

* * *

"Me?" Andy asks, barely conscious of the fact that she'd let that slip.

"Yes. Jenny felt very strongly that you be named her guardian should anything happen to her." Mr. Parker announced from his seat in Jenny's room. "I advised her to choose someone with children, but she was insistent."

Andy felt her heart swell a little, before remembering that she was also a part of the reason they let their relationship fall through the cracks. Andy was still gripping Jenny's smaller hand in hers.

She looked at the best friend she no longer recognized. Bruises marred her face, and the stitched across her left cheek blocked the beautiful bone structure that was there. Machines around her, breathing for her.

Brain damage was what they'd said. If she did come out of it, she'd be vegetable.

"What about Charlotte's dad?"

Andy couldn't help but feel she wasn't the best person for Charlotte. She didn't know how to take care of a kid. She loved kids, yeah, but not for more than a few hours at a time, and their parents were around. How was she supposed to be a parent?

"Ms. Matthews wasn't even sure of who it was. She didn't seem concerned that he would pop up out of nowhere and claim parental rights."

A kid. She was supposed to raise Jenny's two year old, barely two years old. How would she explain that her mommy is gone and can't come back? No kid is ever old enough to hear that.

"And her dad?"

"He's in a home now Ms. McNally. His Alzheimer's has progressed quickly, Ms. Matthews didn't have much of a choice. He can't care for a toddler." Mr. Parker had sympathetic eyes, which Andy found comforting. He was merely answering her questions, not overloading her with nonsensical information that was lawyer speak. "Ms. McNally, you by no means _have_ to claim guardianship. She's quite young, and you may do well finding a good home for her-"

"I need a minute." She cuts him off. She knew she didn't have to raise Charlotte. And while she wasn't confident that she'd be mother of the year, she was also certain that Jenny appointed her for a reason.

She wasn't going to be hasty and dismiss that.

Then again, she only had this will done after Charlotte was born... that's what Mr. Parker said. She was engaged back then. Jenny was spending time in Temagami. They'd spoken on the phone once the entire time she was engaged, and Jenny had just had Charlotte.

She called her again when she and Luke called it off, so she could've changed it...

Temagami. After everything with the Brennan debacle, and all that time off that was when she got her chance to meet Charlotte. She was almost one. She was a little angel.

Her god daughter.

Mr. Parker had long since left the room when Andy began asking Jenny's still body why she would choose her. Over all her friends from work, the moms she knew from Charlotte's daycare... why Andy?

But then again, Jenny didn't have a guiding light when it came to motherhood, and still she was great. Jenny didn't have a mother to tell her about her period, and have her first sex talk. Jenny and Andy had figured it all out together.

Andy and Jenny guided each other.

"You really have a sense of humour Jen." Andy whispered, stroking her friends knuckles. "Me, a mom. Charlotte will go to her first day of school without a lunch and her t-shirt on inside out."

It happened to her once. In the seventh grade, right after Claire left. Tommy had already left for work, which was normal, but Andy was in such a rush...

"And when she gets her period I'll tell her she ate too many red fruit rollups." Andy thought she truly was losing it. But then again, that's what Jenny told Andy when Andy called her up, sobbing that she was dying. "She'll think a stork brought her..."

The laughter was turning back to tears.

"No, she'll know everything about you Jen, I promise. I'll show her movies, and photos, and I'll tell her that you loved her more than anything on the planet." Andy took a deep breath to slow the tears, before saying so seriously, "I'll protect her. I swear to God, I'll protect her Jen."


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: I didn't expect to have this up just yet, but then again, having no plan can have it's advantages too. Anyway, read, review, and enjoy :)**

* * *

Five weeks since she got that call. Five weeks since she became Charlotte's temporary guardian. Five weeks since she had last stepped foot into fifteen division.

Three weeks since she became Charlotte's permanent guardian. Three weeks since she had to explain that mommy wasn't coming home, and she was in heaven now. Three weeks since Charlotte cried herself to sleep in 'Auntie Andy's' arms.

(Two and a half years old. She can't even grasp what death is, but she knows that mommy isn't here anymore. Andy can't... At thirteen it was too much to handle, but two and a half...)

Three hours since Jenny's funeral. Three hours since she watched her friends body go into the ground, not too far from Jerry's. Three hours since Traci took Charlotte back to her place.

She's been alone for the first time in five weeks. Until it's time to step out of that cab and back into fifteen.

* * *

The first time she didn't show up for shift, no one seemed to think anything of it. Maybe she was sick, took the day to get sleep, watch TV and she'd be back tomorrow. And then the next day she still wasn't in, and Nash had taken the day too.

After that it seemed to be a constant thing, Traci only working four days a week. Callaghan was back at the division and wound up helping Sam instead of Nash, and it wasn't a good pairing.

(They never worked well together _before_ Andy came into the picture, it hardly improved since.)

He called her out on it one day, and was able to attain that an old friend of Andy's was in a car accident, and died two weeks later in hospital. He was pretty sure she'd mentioned Jenny before, but, he was fuzzy on details of what happened between them.

He tried to call, she didn't pick up. He sent flowers. But he knew that was a sore excuse of condolences. He also knew that he should take the hint from Nash's tight lips that she didn't exactly want anyone around. And through Traci's assurance, he trusted that she was just taking time to grieve.

But then those two weeks, turned into five. And she hadn't even showed at the Penny to, at the very least, get wasted.

God knows he did that when... he's done it.

* * *

Claire was in and out over those five weeks. She was working Charlotte's case, despite objections from her boss, and was trying to get the legal end of things squared away while Andy focused on adjusting Charlotte.

Tommy had been visiting daily, integrating himself into Charlotte's normal life, so that when he was needed, he'd be confident caring for the girl for a few hours at a time. Charlotte warmed to Tommy right away.

_"Who you?" She mumbled sleepily, still tucked into Andy's chest after being woken up from her nap._

_"I am Tommy, I'm Andy's daddy." He said sweetly, bending down a little so she could inspect the new person in the apartment. "I brought you something Ms. Charlotte."_

_She smiles, and lifts her head, squiggling her body just enough that Andy has to reposition the little girl so that she is facing Tommy, back to Andy's chest._

_"What?"_

_He pulled out a stuffed giraffe, and the rest was history._

Both of her parents watched her struggle with the transition. And both made an effort to be there when she needed a shoulder. Not surprisingly, Tommy's shoulder was chosen more often.

_"Dad, how did you do this? Alone? I mean, I feel like everything I do is wrong, or I could do it better..."_

_"Andy, kiddo, I'll let you in on a little secret. That feeling never goes away."_

_She cried a little harder, and Tommy just chuckled and told her that that was one of those moments. _

_"Sweetheart, being a parent, is constant worry and fear. But it's also so much more. Right now, it's hard to see the good times that lie ahead, but they're there. And Charlotte will help you. Believe it or not, she wil."_

But Claire did come in useful. She was able to provide Andy with scenarios similar to hers. She was able to offer advice on courses of action that didn't come solely from opinion.

_"A schedule is important at her age. This is a grey area, but she needs the structure. You do too."_

Jenny didn't own her home, she was leasing it, so other than her possession's, which were now in storage, and her assets that were safe in the bank, awaiting Charlotte's eighteenth birthday, there was nothing to take care of after a funeral. Just a little girl.

Andy's apartment was only a one bedroom, and while it would have to make do for now, she had started looking for something bigger.

* * *

Noelle is Andy's surprise rock throughout the entire month. Her being on maternity leave as well, they spend a lot of days together, especially when Charlotte's being difficult. Which is basically constantly. To say Andy understands is an understatement, but she's been having tantrums left, right and center.

_"No!"_

_"Charlie Bear, please, sweetie pick up Mr. Raff and put him with your toys."_

_"No! No! No!"_

The first time Noelle sees it, she tells Andy to lay down the law. She may not be Charlotte's mother, but she's the closest thing she'll have.

_"You've got to stop acting like a babysitter McNally. She's not going to come back and tell you you're doing it wrong."_

_Andy took a long look into her wine glass, and looked at the sleeping toddler in her crib just through the bedroom door, and at Olivia, who's sleeping safely in her car seat on the counter next to Noelle._

_"I wish she would."_

_Noelle reached out and squeezed her hand, and Andy couldn't do more than squeeze back._

Between Noelle and Traci's help, and Frank keeping things quiet in the division, Andy feels like maybe the world has forgotten about her. But frequent texts from the three musketeers, Oliver and Gail remind her that she's got to go back eventually.

She was pretty sure that Oliver figured it out early on, but he's keeping it to himself.

_She didn't suspect that he knew until he called her up one afternoon during his shift with Dov who was still in the dark as well. And as badly as she wanted to call Chris, who's child was actually Charlottes age, she knew it was pointless, with him so far away. She'd call him when the others knew. She would._

_"McNally, if you need anything, Zoe and the girls, we're all here. Any time you need... anything."_

_She figured he was alluding to babysitting offers, parenting advice, or just someone to call, but Oliver was smart. And Noelle may have confided in him. Either way, she knows he's there._

When Sam calls, not two days after, she can't pick up the call. That has to be the last of her worries. Her romantic life will probably take a backseat for the next sixteen years, and that had to start immediately. And he's just calling because it's what you do. He might think he can impart some pearls of wisdom, but he doesn't know everything. He can't know yet.

She barely told Gail and Nick. If they hadn't shown up to her place with a casserole, they may still be in the dark.

_"What the hell is that?" Gail hissed when she spotted Charlotte in her high chair, carefully shoveling a spoonful of macaroni and cheese into her mouth._

_Andy opened the door the rest of the way, gesturing for them to enter, and told them the whole story. _

After that, Gail offered to do what she could... except change diapers. That was non-negotiable.

* * *

But this morning, it was the final nail in the coffin. So to speak. She finally felt like she could do this. Like she could get her footing without the immense support she's had to date. Of course she needs them but this... it was closure, as a funeral should be.

Charlotte was crying loudly less than halfway through the service at the church, and though one of Jenny's other friends offered to take her out into the hall for a moment, Andy needed a little bit of privacy too.

She took the young girls hand, and led her out as quietly as possible, and then just held her, and let her cry until she tired herself out. They missed the eulogy, and the final prayers, but Andy didn't need any of that. Truth was she'd prepared a eulogy of her own, but knew she wouldn't be in any shape to read it in front of the crowd. She knew there'd be time to visit her grave and do it then, but today is too much already.

All she needed to do was come to terms with the rest of it. Tell the people who didn't know, figure out when she should go back to work, when she _could_ go back to work.

Frank had reminded her just a couple of nights ago, at their house, that she had months of leave available to her, that there were lots more things to consider before heading back out onto patrol. Like _if_ she wanted to go back to the beat, or explore other options the department has to offer.

* * *

Pushing the building door open and approaching the front desk, it is the third time its felt foreign to her. The third time it didn't feel natural. The first had been after her suspension, the second after the op, and today. The shortest time she's been away, but the most she's changed, her life has changed, in that time.

The officer at the desk is Nick, thank goodness, and he buzzes her through without a word, acknowledging her black attire silently, and going back to the phones.

And pushing the door to the barn open, she feels the chaos around her, smells the fresh coffee just being brewed, and listens carefully to the sound of officers shuffling through their paperwork. She misses this, more than she thought.

She spots a clear path up to Frank's office, and decides she can do her pleasantries and explanations on the way out. She nearly makes it too, before Marlo grabs hold of her wrist on her way by her desk.

"McNally." She says, softly, making Andy turn while exhaling a deep breath. "I'm sorry, to hear about... I'm so sorry."

Andy thinks these are the most genuine words she's ever heard Cruz express, and all she can do is a manage a polite smile, and nod her head in the direction of Frank's office. Marlo lets her go, understanding that she can't really muster the words she's probably been repeating nonstop since her friend died, and watches her finish making her way to Frank's office.

* * *

He sees her head bouncing just out of his peripheral vision and for a second he thinks he's just imagining it... again. But then he turns his head a fraction of an inch, and sees her familiar brown locks whip around, and then he sees Marlo holding her wrist.

He doesn't feel himself rising to his feet, or moving to the office door, but he gets there in time to watch her walk away from Marlo, and make her way up the steps to Franks office.

One thing he can't help but love about the barn is that the office walls are windows, and he watches as Frank stands to hug her and offer her a chair. And then he takes in the rest of her appearance, from his distance. Black dress, and shoes. It's her good black dress too, he's never seen her wear it, but he remembered her mentioning something about it being her only dress suitable for church...

The funeral. The funeral was today, Traci took it off especially to be there with Andy. How could he forget? And yet she's here. He wondered how long she'd be able to stay away from the job. They were too alike in that sense. Cabin fever, no doubt she had to have cabin fever, even in a time of grief.

He loses track of time standing in the doorway watching their meeting.

Frank looks like he's trying to reason with her, and at one point, she looks down to wipe some tears away, and he cocks his head to the side, trying to gauge what could be going on.

Andy's got a stubborn look on her face despite the tears, and Frank appears to pleading, or reasoning with her, either way, it's probably about when she can return, and what Frank thinks is the best course of action. Probably wants to bench her, or get a psych eval and she won't hear it. Probably.

It's not until he hears Gail call out to Traci in the pen that he drags his eyes away to see Nash pushing a stroller through the barn.

Peck goes right to the device, and lifts a little blond girl out, and Sam is more puzzled than ever. Nash with someone else's kid, and it isn't baby Ninja... he doesn't know what conclusion to come to, not until he starts listening.

"She was fussing so much, I didn't think I could say no to her, not today. She just wants Andy." Traci says directly to Gail and Nick. Everyone else seems to have let it go for the moment, until Oliver saddles up next to the small group that's gathered.

"Auntie Andy." The little girl sobs into Traci's shoulder, causing Oliver to nod, like he's finally just put something together, and still Sam is in the dark. Or at least, not willing to fully consider what he thinks could be true.

"So. This is the little one that's taken all our McNally's attention." Oliver says, trying to get in the girls line of sight.

And that's when Andy comes bounding down out of Frank's office to the crowd, arms stretched out wide for the little girl that saw her coming, and called out for her again.

"Hey baby. I'm here sweetie." She takes her from Nash's arms, and Sam realizes that this is why. Why she hasn't been around, it wasn't grief, it was to make way for a new life, new world.

His mind is reeling, and a lot of the barn has shifted their focus to the group that gathered, and he watches on while his mind continues to do backflips, grasping the fact that Andy is now a mom. Aunt. Responsible guardian, at least.

"Shhh, Charlie, I'm here, it's okay." Andy soothes, bouncing the little girl around while Traci whisks the rest of the group to the soft interview room, obviously going to take over filling them in on the details of the last few weeks.

That's when he notices his legs carrying him absent mindedly for the second time today. But instead of it being away, back to his desk, he's getting closer to her, as she lowers the girl into her stroller again.

* * *

When Andy straightens up after promising Charlotte that they can go home right away, she comes face-to-face with Sam. Because today wasn't hard enough.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Didn't expect to have this out so soon... also, once again, lack of direction seems to be working in my favour :) Read, and let me know what you think!**

* * *

"Andy..." He says, not knowing really what else he _can_ say.

She smoothes the front of her dress with her sweaty palms, hoping that she can look more composed than she feels. She'd be lying if she said that in the throes of the last few weeks she hadn't thought of him, hadn't thought of returning his call.

At the end of the day, complication between them, or not, he was always there for her, guiding her. Leading her. Teaching her. Calming her. Reassuring her. Giving her strength. The list became endless when they got together.

He was always some kind of beacon reminding her what to do even when they weren't... even when they stopped being _partners_. At least, in a professional sense.

"I'm sorry." Was all he could manage to choke out. It was all he wrote on the card with the flowers too. Clearly it isn't his words that have offended her into silence. That have kept her from talking to him.

Andy nods, appreciating the fact that he's a man of few words most of the time. Everyone at fifteenth seemed to know that she wasn't looking for tears, or lengthy condolences, or bear hugs. As cops, they all understood it.

"Hi." The little voice from the stroller peeps out, causing Andy to look down at Charlotte, shocked that the quivering voice she'd had not two minutes ago was already gone, and she no longer seemed impatient to go home.

Sam had had his eyes flitting between Charlotte and Andy since he approached, but she'd been solely focused on him. Sam got down on one knee in front of the stroller, deciding maybe right now he'll fare better communicating with her.

"I'm Charlotte." She announces, eyes void of tears now, voice honey sweet. "I'm two and a half."

"It's nice to meet you Charlotte, I'm Sam." He says, voice soft, and... different, somehow.

Charlotte just stares at him for a beat, taking in the stranger, but also like she's waiting for him say something else.

"How old are you?" She squeaks, frown in her eyebrows, like that was a vital piece of information to leave out and if he doesn't fill her in on the details, it's friends-off.

Andy smiles, and looks back over to Sam, who isn't quite sure if he should answer honestly, or make a cute joke about being old as a dinosaur, or a fossil, or something. At the very least for Andy's benefit.

Sam watches on as Andy runs a hand through Charlottes blond locks and tells her it's rude to ask senior citizens how old they are. It's funny, it is, but he's so taken with the look of love and affection in her eyes, and the gentleness that she's embodied when talking to the girl, that he forgets to laugh.

She doesn't seem... out of place, the way it seems she might be. Andy a mom. He didn't even know she was a god mother.

"Is that Princess Charlotte?" Franks voice calls from beside them, and coming closer.

Frank was taken with Charlotte pretty soon into the first trip to the Best residence a couple of weeks ago. He was amazing with Liv, and if this was a preview of what was to come when she was walking and talking, then Noelle was pretty much busting at the hormonal seams. Charlotte was pretty taken with the bear like man too. He was huge to her, and he always had something new for her to explore.

Today maybe his office.

When Frank came to a complete stop in front of them, he took a good look at Sam and Andy, who obviously needed to talk. And just as Andy had predicted, he picked the small girl up out of the stroller, and insisted she sit in his big comfy chair and play boss before going home.

Charlotte was thrilled.

Which just left... them.

He had a thousand questions.

For which she would have few answers.

"So, that's-"

"Jenny's daughter."

Sam nods looking down at his feet for a moment. He knew about her. He'd forgotten, but he remembered her telling him about her entire trip to Temagami. Granted he kind of tried to block out the fact that she'd gone anywhere, that those three months had happened, which was probably part of their problem in the first place.

"Your god daughter? You didn't tell me..." He starts, but he didn't want to sound accusing, he was just curious. He just wanted to know as much as he could, to help as much as he could.

"I didn't know. Just got a call one night from Claire. Friend on life support, baby girl who needs a place to stay." She says, trying to make it sound nonchalant. "The last five weeks... it's been... surreal."

Andy finally lets her facade crack, and its only for a split second. But she knows the tired, the fear, the sadness hasn't been missed by Sam.

Sam gauges the openness of her expression, and can see that she's been fighting hard to keep her guard up. To stay strong, because what else does one expect of Andy McNally. She's fine.

Her eyes look a little lost as she stares over his shoulder at Frank and Charlotte in his office. Charlotte is kneeling on the edge of his thighs, upper body lying right down on the desk while she reaches for his name plaque. Andy's face is, sad, but also bewilderingly overcome with a gaze of love for the child. Like she's filled a role that she was always supposed to be good at.

And it's not like he's never pictured her as a mom. He has. Every case they've had to deal with young kids, he's watched her. Knows she was pretty close to Nash's kid too.

Had a vivid dream about it the same week she told him she loved him. Right when things had seemed perfect. Before everything went to hell.

"How're you holding up?" He asks, knowing it's a pretty stupid question, but he doesn't exactly want to get into the depths of this conversation in the middle of the division. "We could talk sometime."

Her gaze doesn't come back to him though, she can't tear her eyes away from Charlotte, who's now _standing_ on Franks chair while his back is turned, digging in one of the filing cabinets. His kid isn't mobile yet, but this should be a lesson to him.

"I don't exactly have time for that, but thanks." She says kind of absently, knowing that he's trying to be supportive. What he needs to realize however is that this is not the time to repair their friendship, or whatever it is that they were before.

She starts to tidy Charlottes blankets in the stroller, and begins folding them up. She winds up knocking over a bag of Cheerios that finds its way the floor, and he immediately bends down to help her.

"I've got it." She says, trying to shoo away his hands.

"I know." He doesn't move though, keeps picking them up. "Maybe come by the Penny sometime soon. I'll buy you a drink. It seems like she's got a lot of people who wouldn't mind watching her-"

But as he moves to get the ones that have rolled further, he bumps the stroller, and Charlottes sippy cup of milk also makes its way to the floor. Its sealed and nothing comes out but still-

"Sam!" She says, a little more loudly than planned. He stops talking and just looks at her with his big eyes, now void of emotion, as though calling out to him had reminded him to stay in check. "I've got a lot going on right now. And regardless of that, my life has become anything but simple. Thanks, but I can't."

Sam is taken back by the bitter tone with which she threw the words, and has to take a second to breath so he doesn't just yell right on back. She's going through something. This is a tough time. She doesn't mean it like that. She's got a kid now. She's complicated.

"Yeah. Well, I guess I'll see you when you come back." He says, giving up, for now.

They both rise from the floor awkwardly, not really aware until now the attention they'd attracted, but everyone in the barn went back to looking busy and engrossed by their paperwork.

"I've got to get her home, put her down for a nap." Andy says, throwing her jacket on, and looking up to Franks office, making eye contact.

Once he escorted Charlotte back to Andy. Andy inspected the girls coat, and took her small hand, reminding her to thank Mr. Best and say goodbye to him and Sam.

Sam knew that for the next years of Andy's life, she would be wrapped up in toys and Disney, getting Charlotte into daycare, kindergarten, then school. Sam knew she'd be gung ho on teaching her to read, ride a bike, play sports.

_("I might coach basketball." She'd said one night in bed. "Like, a kids league or something. Give back to the community."_

_"Oh yeah Coach Carter?" He'd chuckled, running his fingers over her ribs (which was now marked with ink)._

_"Yeah. It's important for kids to be active in the community." She mumbled, pressing a kiss to his shoulder before resting her head there. "That way they don't become serial killers."_

_"You're going to be a psycho soccer mom aren't you?" He teased, not really putting any thought into the question."Makes the kids eat dinner with the family so they don't do drugs right?"_

_She just smiled, and pressed her mouth hard to his, and they didn't talk much more that night.)_

And here he was. Forty (almost.) No kids, no wife, no girlfriend.

(That had been another development after Andy went AWOL. If Sam hadn't been throwing himself into faking it with Cruz since Andy came back, she may not have noticed the difference in his actions after she disappeared again.

But she had, and she didn't want to be anybody's second choice.)

And another thing Sam knew? He didn't want simple anymore.

* * *

"Charlie?" Andy calls, making her way into her half boxed up bedroom, where Charlotte was sprawled across the bed, a selection of bed time books in a neat pile next to her.

Charlotte's things were mostly still sprawled out everywhere, and since Andy was actively searching for a house (she was two days short of calling a realtor) she didn't want to have to box it all up again when they found a place. So they lived like this.

"Ready." She smiles, her first book selection sitting in front of her.

Andy pads into the room and slips off her slipper boots, before opening the covers and moving into the middle of the bed. Charlotte moved from her position on her stomach, facing the foot of the bed, and was crawling up the bed towards Andy, when she put her hands under her arms, and sat Charlotte so that her back was against Andy's stomach.

"Sweetie pie, do you miss Ms. Ashley, and your friends at daycare?" Andy asks, hesitantly.

She was asking Frank about coming back to work today. Charlotte had finally been calming down, and smiling more day to day. Andy needed work right now, she needed to immerse herself in something other than her grief, Charlotte's overwhelming grief. And most importantly, she needed Charlotte's life to be as normal as possible. That's what Jenny would've wanted. The sooner they both adjusted to this new life, the sooner they could move on.

But Frank still thought she should take the full two months they discussed at the beginning of the whole thing. He'd told her to use the end of the month and then come back, but Andy could just feel that the worse the cabin fever got, the less useful she'd be to Charlotte.

"Yep." Charlotte says quietly, reaching over to where she left the book she selected.

"Do you want to go back soon? You don't have to go for the whole day, but we could visit. Say hi to Ms. Ashley." Andy suggests, speaking softly into the top of Charlotte's head as she began to lift the first page open, revealing to Andy that she'd chosen 'The Paper Bag Princess' once again.

"I miss Emiwy." She replies, even more softly than before. Andy worried when Charlotte got quiet, it wasn't like her. Though she'd been surprised when the little girl was bold enough to reach out to Sam Swarek, she _had_ been improving.

"We could make cupcakes for all your friends at daycare. And maybe if you feel up to it, you could go for a whole day sometime."

"Kay."

Andy decides maybe that was all she was going to get out of the girl tonight, and began.

"When Elizabeth was a beautiful princess..."

'The Paper Bag Princess', 'Green Eggs and Ham', and 'Goodnight Moon' later, Charlotte had drifted off to sleep, one arm draped over Andy's stomach.

Andy didn't want to move her for anything on the planet, and eventually, she drifted off too.

* * *

"Sweetheart, I'm just expressing a little _concern_-"

"I _know_ Dad, and _I'm_ telling _you_ that there's no reason to be concerned." Andy replies, continuing to chop up the cucumber in front of her. "Things are good."

It wasn't a lie, not even a lie of omission. It had been a week now, since the funeral and her day at fifteen, and Charlotte had gone to visit the daycare, deciding that she wanted to stay for a half day.

Andy was pleased, but the minute she pulled out of the lot, she felt worry creep over her. Daycare had her number, they dealt with kids for a living, she was in safe hands, they knew first aid. And still Andy couldn't shake it.

The other thing she had to adjust to was driving her dads car, standard. She could do it, but she was constantly stalling, and it was basically her worst fear for it to happen with Charlotte in the car. One more thing for the to do list, get over her fear of using Jenny's car.

Not the car itself, no fear, it was manual, but the fact that it was Jenny's. She felt like she was some kind of imposter.

"Kiddo, have you even been to the Penny since..." Tommy let the sentence die on her lips.

"Since I got a kid? No, dad, I haven't. Not all of us-" She stops herself. In her state of annoyance tonight, she's been short with her dad all day, but, that would've been so far over the line. He was better now that was the point.

But Tommy knew what she was going to say.

"Andy, I know you've learned a lot watching my mistakes, and I know you want to be a responsible parent. But going out to the bar with your friends a couple times a month doesn't... I wasn't the best example, but it's okay Andy." He says, making sure Andy's really listening. "They miss you too you know. I love watching the monkey."

They both look at the couch where Charlotte is seated, still wearing her pink tutu that she pulled on in the middle of the afternoon before prancing around the living room doing "ballet". Andy had watched on from the kitchen counter, searching craigslist for houses close to the division, and Charlottes daycare.

Some cartoon with fairies is what had her attention tonight while Andy prepared their dinner, and Tommy was finally able to have this chat with her.

"Andy. Next Saturday, you're going out. I'll watch Charlie." Tommy says firmly, telling her right up front that there's no room for argument.

"No." She says, passing him the salad that she's just finished. For a brief moment, Tommy thinks he's going to have to pull out his dad voice, until she turns her back to get the rest of the dinner to the table. "I promised Oliver that I'd send some babysitting business Izzy's way at some point."

"Okay. Whatever you want kiddo." He laughs, pulling the casserole dish from Andy's hands, allowing her to go scoop Charlotte up from the couch and get her in her seat. (They had enough casseroles to last the year, and if Andy didn't have someone else's diet to think about, she'd be eating it every day.)

"Dad." Andy said, right after Charlotte begins to pick at the squiggly noodles with her fingers. "Thank you. For... everything."

Tommy smiled big at the woman across from him. Not knowing how she turned out to be the brave, competent and independent woman she was.

"Just doing my job sweetheart."


	4. Chapter 4

"She asked me about coming back to work." Frank muttered, finally giving in to Noelle's line of questioning. The next week at the division when she brought Olivia to visit Frank, she kept hearing McNally this, McNally that, and Oliver told her everyone knew.

Noelle immediately went to Frank to inquire what the girl was doing in the division in the first place. And while it was supposed to be confidential, meetings with the boss that is, he sees no harm in telling Noelle. Not that Andy wouldn't tell her herself anyway.

"Already?" Noelle exclaims, looking up from her beer.

They finally had a babysitter booked, and managed to drag themselves to the Penny for the first time in what felt like months. At least, the first time in months together. They were waiting on Oliver and Sam, and she knew there was no shot in hell getting it out of Frank once those two showed up. So this was it.

"I know. I know. I told her she had to wait out the rest of the leave we'd discussed, then she could start evals. But, she really wants it."

Noelle processed the tidbit of information for a couple of minutes, wondering how she would adapt and adjust. It's almost an impossible situation to imagine, but she supposes that if work was the only constant, she'd need that sense of normalcy too.

"Maybe she's ready to come back." Noelle mutters taking a long sip of the amber ale in front of her.

"Who's ready?" Oliver asks, sneaking up on Noelle, pinching her sides.

"Oliver!" She nearly shrieks, turning around on her stool to give him a good whack to the shoulder. He smiles and leans away from it, and Frank laughs, and shakes his friends hand, offering him the stool on his other side.

"Still waiting on Sammy?" Oliver asks, waving a hand in Liam's direction, waiting for his own beer.

Noelle gives him a nod, and Oliver keeps his eyes on her, letting her know he's still inquiring as to who they'd been discussing before he popped in.

"Who's ready?" Oliver asks, just in case she hadn't gotten the hint.

Frank looks away from the two of them, not able to discuss anything specific. It was bad enough he didn't wait to tell Noelle at home.

"Who do you think?" Noelle asks, raising an eyebrow. Oliver knows anyway, it's just the confirmation.

"Ready for work? McNally? Already?" Oliver asks, emphasis on all the question marks, causing his pitch to go higher every time.

Noelle nods, so technically she's not at fault, but still, Franks not one hundred percent certain he won't go telling Swarek. He's like the McSwarek whisperer - if it'll change anything, he'll say something.

"I don't know Frank..." Oliver says, trying to put his two cents in. That's when Franks his index fingers to his ears to indicate he's not discussing this, and they shouldn't be either, but it doesn't stop Oliver.

"She's strong, but she's got the kid to think about."

"She doesn't think about anything else Oliver." Noelle snaps, making sure that they know that she's seen firsthand Andy's concern and attentiveness. "She doesn't stop being a cop just because she's a mother figure now."

Noelle is feeling a little defensive tonight, and it's not all about Andy either. Anyone commenting on the ability to be both a mother and a cop irks her. But she has been becoming more and more _fond_ of McNally in recent weeks.

She always knew Andy was a solid cop, but she never really had her figured out. When she expected naivety, she came through as hardened and persistent like when Epstein shot that kid. When she expected her to be pining over the loses of relationships, the girl turned bitter, as any woman would. When she thought that McNally might be weak, she stayed strong, pushing through to find her friend despite being a victim herself. When she thought Andy should be grieving her own lose, she was stepping in to raise a child.

Andy had become more complex, more interesting, and someone Noelle was coming to respect more now than ever before, and it made her protective.

"That's not what I meant and you know it. It's just a very new situation for her." Oliver says gently, trying to reassure Noelle that he truly believes it. But Traci and Noelle, it's their own children. That even they took leave to be with at first. Andy needs the same.

Oliver's about to agree with Frank tell him that she needs to take a little more time, but he sees Sam walking in first.

"Hey buddy!" He calls, warning the group, everyone turning their attention to the approaching Detective.

Sam merely nods in acknowledgement before shaking Frank's hand and placing a kiss on Noelle's cheek.

They exchange a few pleasantries but everyone at the bar is thinking about Andy's situation. Granted they're thinking wildly different things, (Oliver thinks she needs more time to adjust, Noelle is proud of her, Frank wants her to consider a safer job in the division, and Sam still can't quite wrap his brain around the entire situation.) but their thoughts are solely on her.

* * *

"So, how long have you two known?" Sam finally gets around to asking Frank and Noelle after Oliver has gone home. He knows that Noelle has been keeping something from them, what with the lack of visits to the station over the month, but he would never of guessed that it was because she was helping Andy with her own kid situation.

"Since that first week." Noelle says quietly, not willing to let just anybody know.

"So that's why she's been a ghost?" He confirms, knowing the answer already, but saying it aloud for a chance to be contested. "She didn't tell anybody."

"You mean she didn't tell you?" Noelle asks pointedly. He knows that Noelle's relationship with Andy must've changed, but he wasn't expecting so much hostility. But yes, yes that is what he wants to know.

Frank takes the opportunity to make the rounds, visit other colleagues, give the cage match that's about to start a little space so he doesn't get trapped in the middle, trying to keep the peace.

"Noelle-"

"Sammy, it wasn't that she was keeping it from people, it was just a need to know thing." She says, looking over her shoulder to make sure Dov isn't nearby, waiting to get confirmation on the situation before spreading it around the station.

"Frank clearly knew the kid pretty well by the looks of it. So I assume you do too." He says. As much as he wants to imply that Noelle should've told him, it was obviously a delicate situation, and he wasn't going to be getting any sympathy from Noelle tonight. Not about this.

"McNally had to tell Frank. And she decided to let me know as well, because she isn't exactly practiced in child care." She says, figuring that was more or less common sense anyway. She's just kicking herself to make sure that Sam doesn't slip her up, get something out of her that should be private. He's a detective now and all, he's got the skill. Even on a seasoned cop like herself. "Nash and I were there to help her out till she got a grip."

Sam nods, knowing that speaking would get Noelle closing off the conversation. And that would get him nothing until he saw her again. Two more weeks till she was due back at work. He could wait until then to talk to her.

He swivels his stool away from Noelle's, needing a moment away from the tension their conversation has caused. That and he needs to take a leak.

He's not even fifteen feet away, passing by Peck and Diaz who've taken over the dart board, when he feels someone grab hold of his bicep, long enough for him to turn around. Epstein.

"Sir, she's uh, she'll be here for drinks after shift on Saturday." He mumbles, trying not to attract any attention from his friends who're close by. "But, you didn't hear it from me."

* * *

When Saturday night rolled around, Andy locked herself away in the bathroom for the better part of an hour while Tommy got Izzy and Charlotte introduced in the living room. She'd been through three different hair styles, highlighting very different parts of her face with five different make up routines, and gone back and forth between two shirts, and she finally looked the same way she always did. She just looked like Andy.

Understated flowy top, jeans, flat black boots, hair down, bit of mascara.

She sighed at her usual appearance, not even certain what she'd been trying to accomplish. These people knew what she looked like, they hadn't forgotten, nothing had changed. Well, physically.

She may have applied a little more concealer under her eyes, but, she just hasn't been sleeping too well. Charlotte has taken to Andy's giant soft bed, and also gets very restless. She's a kicker.

But it's the only way she gets a peaceful sleep, so Andy's been letting it slide, despite Traci's warnings.

_"The longer you let it go on, the sooner it'll become routine to her. Next thing you know, you're hooking up with some guy in your bed and Charlotte comes into your room, just wanting to cuddle, and you scar her for life." Traci had laughed, helping Andy wash dishes after dinner at her place. Leo was in the living room watching Charlotte watch TV._

_"Wow, wow, wow. No. First of all, if I were hooking up, it'd be when Charlotte's sleeping over at dad's, and the guy would not be coming back to my place." Andy said, grabbing a pot out of Traci's hands and drying it with her dish cloth, a little offended that Traci would think she'd make that mistake. It was all hypothetical, but the real big hang up was the fear that she wouldn't be 'hooking up' or with any male prospects for quite some time to come._

_"Andy, this isn't a real scenario." Traci assures her, hands up as though she hadn't meant anything by it._

_But Andy's fuse is short._

_"Well then what's the issue?"_

_"Okay then, but what about when you get into the bed wetting years? After the Pull-Ups get switched out of rotation? Not a great way to wake up, and then you're both on the couch."_

But by the time story time was over, and she was finally resting in her arms, Andy just couldn't stand to move her. She loved that part of the night, waiting for sleep to take her while she watched Charlottes soft breaths, the reassurance that Jenny's life had made in difference in the world, just by creating this one. She wasn't sure how to get by without that part of her night. It was what was keeping her together on the hard days.

Andy sighed, and blew out a deep breath, pulling her purse off of the made bed, and made her way into the living room where Izzy was asking Charlotte all sorts of questions. Once Charlotte warmed to someone, it was hard to get her to go back into her shell, and she loved talking. Of course a trait she learned from her mother, and would continue to see from Andy throughout the course of her life.

"Hey girls, I'm going to leave in a few minutes. Are you guys alright, know where the movies are?" She asks Izzy, crouching in front of Charlotte, making sure the big smile on her face stays there at the suggestion of going out.

Izzy had assured Andy quite a few times already that she could handle this, and promised that if she couldn't she would call her, Tommy, Traci or her dad. But still, of course nothing was going to ease the gnawing feeling that was picking at the back of her brain.

It only took her talking herself in and out of going three times over the course of the week to call Izzy and cement her plans for Saturday night with everyone else. She couldn't back down now.

Placing a hand on Charlottes head, Izzy began moving her head up and down in a nod of agreement.

Charlotte let a laugh escape, and was soon sent into a spiral of giggles. "You looks pretty." She sighs tiredly once they cease.

"Thank you Charlie Bear," She smiles, before giving Izzy a joking glare. Izzy just rolls her eyes in response, and let's Andy give Charlotte the standard 'listen to the babysitter, I'll check on you when I get home, and love you's' before finally making her way out of the condo, walking Tommy down as she went.

* * *

"Relax sweetheart. Why are you so worried?" Tommy asks as they approaches his car, Andy moving to the passenger side.. He offered to drive her, and told her to get a ride back. She could use a couple of drinks.

"I really couldn't tell you dad." She whispers, sliding into her seat, telling herself that if she looked away from the dashboard she'd be able to talk herself out of this all over again.

"Kiddo, nothing has changed. You are still you."

"That's not true-"

"It is Andy." He says firmly, firing up the car. "You are still you. Strong, smart, brave as hell and _my_ kid. And just because you're starting a new chapter doesn't mean you change, it means you grow. But you are still you."

Andy inspects her hands quickly, finding sudden fascination in her wrist watch and the colour of nail polish she selected for her nails.

"Sweetheart, it's just a drink. Just give it a chance."

Out of all the ways he could've phrased that sentence. Out of all the word choices, the affectionate name...

She wasn't used to it without the bitter sweet drip of sarcasm, but it was the only one he could remember coming out of his mouth. That very first day.

And then the drink promised on their last.

Technically not a 'them', but, it was the last time there were feelings that strong. On both sides. And her feelings drove her deep underground, and his to another woman.

Oh great, they'd probably be there tonight.

Yay.

"You're still you." She hears him mutter one last time, before turning out of the parking, and onto the dark streets of Toronto.

* * *

**A/N: Once again we end off with some sage Tommy advice :) But don't worry, next chapter will feature her visit to the Penny, and finally some substantial McSwarek interaction.**

**Please leave a review, and stay tuned.**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Sorry guys. I really dropped the ball with lack of updates, but I'm working full time, which I'm not used to, and my days off were packed too. But this should get things going. A slightly longer chapter than usual, so maybe you'll forgive me.**

* * *

"It's kind of badass." Dov says with complete sincerity before handing Andy a beer on him. She watches as he looks to the other side of the bar, staring aimlessly at a wall with one of the most contemplative faces she's ever seen on him, and can't help but let her laugh slip.

While tonight was her night out, to feel like it was simply old times again, everyone who approached her had an opinion or comment about what she's taken on. And even those who haven't approached her, well, she hears their opinions too.

_("She has no idea what she's in for."_

_"My husband and I can hardly do this, and I __**have**__ a husband."_

_"Poor kid is going to be shipped off to another home before the new year, you just watch.") _

"Badass? Dov, I'm still working with her on potty training. If she gets herself to the bathroom before she pees the day's a ten." she laughs, clinking her glass with his before taking her first sip. A little foamy, but she hasn't had a drink since that night in the bath.

Of course the rational part of her knew that there would be no shame in having something after Charlotte went to bed, but there was still some small part of her constantly thinking of the fact that alcoholism runs in her blood. And this was the kind of thing that could snowball and lead to her downward spiral. She wanted to wait it out until things were normal, but then she realized that there wasn't going to be a date on the calendar indicating that her sobriety could end, that she could have a glass of, anything, without fear or guilt.

"Yeah, well, if I don't get shot the day's a ten, so, I think you're living the life." He says back, smiling a bit, trying not to rub in the fact that Andy's out of the action. Course, with a kid it's a good thing, but any true cop misses the adrenaline, doesn't matter how many people are waiting for you to come home.

"Wish there was a happy medium." Andy sighs, placing her glass back on the bar top, and scanning the bar for her friends. Gail and Traci were engaged in conversation with Chris at a far away table, and Nick had yet to show. Same for Sam, he hadn't made an appearance yet either. But that was besides the point, she's not out tonight for him, she's with her friends. Two drinks max, and then catching a ride home from Traci. Her wild night out.

"You'll figure it out." He says.

"So what happened today, any interesting cases?" Andy asks, if only to be better prepared when she makes her return in the next couple of weeks. Dov shrugs his shoulders. There's not so much stuff that's new, as same old, new people.

"Foster kid beat his foster dad with a pipe. The guy had been sexually assaulting the boy and his sister. So, they're waiting for a new placement."

Andy shudders, and takes another drink, having forgotten a few of the horrific things they'd seen involving children over the years. At the end of the day she could put it behind her, say it happens. But now the idea that each kid could be Charlotte is there in her mind, gnawing at any inch of rationale that used to relieve her of carrying it home.

And then her mind wanders to Sam. The comment from over a year ago still there, a piece of the puzzle she hasn't been able to put together. Guess you could say she'd had it sitting out for a long while, and was slowly working at it, no end date in mind. Now the pieces were back in their box, tucked into the back left corner of a closet somewhere. Saved for a later date, maybe.

_"Lots of kids go into foster care and come out just fine."_

He talked to her once about his mom. Told her she'd taught him to bake when he was pretty young... it had been a passing comment, but maybe after that...

"Bet you're glad you didn't throw Charlotte into that system huh?" He says, not really inquiring. Of course he knew that Andy wouldn't do it. But at first maybe she hadn't been so sure. "I mean, I know you know this, but this is a huge thing. For life. Not just for sixteen years... Yeah, I'd say what you're doing is pretty badass."

The simple reminder of what Dov had said to her seconds before causes a small smile to crack through the grim line that had been her mouth only seconds ago.

"Okay, fine. But I still wish I was back at work. Throw me on desk, anything, I just need to work. It's hard being home all day."

"Careful what you wish for." Dov laughs. "Next double shift you pull you'll be wishing you hadn't said anything."

They bump shoulders just a little bit, and share one more laugh, before returning to their table, where the rest of the original five are seated.

* * *

"Cruz has had something up her ass for the last couple weeks, and I'd really love to find out what the hell it is." Gail mutters after their conversation about Dov's attention to Chloe had died down. "She gave me all her paperwork and took off. Didn't even pretend to be doing something else... bitch."

Traci's eyes went down to her lap, and Dov and Chris took turns guessing what it was that was going on.

"Can't stand you, Gail."

"She found out what Kim and Kanye named their baby."

"They discontinued her shampoo."

"Stepped in dog shit."

"Migraine!"

"Pregnant."

The salt shaker Andy had been sliding between her hands on their table hit the floor when she failed to stop it, and her head snapped to Chris. It shattered, and only then did both the boys realize what they were saying and who they were saying it to.

Traci then released a big sigh.

"That's not it." She reassured Andy, glaring Dov and Chris' way. "She and Swarek, they broke up."

Andy finds herself wanting to breathe a sigh of relief, but then it gets caught, realizing that this made things even more... as much as she was beginning to hate this word to describe her life... complicated. This would make it harder to stay away. Him being unavailable made things simple. She'd be free to focus on the most important part of her life without the distraction of their disastrous track record. She wasn't going to have to worry that she and Sam might start again only to end and have it destroy not only her, but Charlotte too. It wasn't supposed to be possible.

The game just changed.

Andy tunes out after that. Dov and Chris both have a sour look on their faces, like maybe they shouldn't have been joking around about it, and Gail smiles manically, reveling in Marlo's unhappiness. But Andy just wants to finish off her drink and go home before she does something stupid, like proposition Sam. If only for just tonight.

(The fact that she hasn't had sex in nearly a year is beginning to catch up with her, and while he'd be the worst guy she could have a one night stand with, he'd be the best.)

But that fucking universe had another plan.

* * *

He kept to himself when he came in that night. He knew there was a chance that her plans may have changed, but as of ten minutes before leaving the station Oliver was insisting that Andy hadn't cancelled on Izzy and that she was watching Charlotte as they spoke. So he was inclined to believe that he'd walk in and see her, his eyes would be inevitably, and nearly magnetically, drawn to her.

That she'd be letting lose a little like she used to. Get a little more cheery and bubbly. Her cheeks would redden and her body temperature would spike, making her his own personal furnace. He always packed her in tight to his side when they left, so he would be a little more willing to face the chill. Used to.

Oliver had packed it in after one drink and took off to pick up Maddie from soccer practice, and told Sam to try and get home without breaking any hearts. It was said with a laugh, but after Sam chose to inform him of what Andy said about her life, and how she'd prefer to live it without him (in so many words at least) Oliver was a little concerned his friend wouldn't listen. But eventually, Sam assured him there would be no interference on his part, and that he could be trusted to keep his distance, to some degree. But some things don't go according to plan, sometimes life happens.

To say getting a call from a very worried Izzy Shaw was not something he anticipated is an understatement.

"Are you at the Penny?" She asks hurriedly.

He can't help but wonder exactly has gone wrong at McNally's but he can hear Charlotte wailing in the back, soft sobs for 'Ann-y' making short appearances. He wonders for a brief moment if she'd meant to call her dad...

"Yeah, your dad's not here, he went to-"

"I need Andy, or, Andy needs to come home. She's not picking up her phone..."

Sam began to panic too, afraid of what may have gone wrong.

"Is, just take a deep breath." He urges her, forcing calm over the situation, trying to get to the bottom of things. "What happened?"

"Okay, so she was tugging on my sleeves constantly trying to show me the pictures she drew, and I wasn't like, ignoring her or anything, but like, we kinda made a mess in the kitchen and I wanted it cleaned before-"

"Izzy! What happened?" Sam asks a little more urgently, willing her to tell him what exactly her emergency was. He could still hear Charlotte's cries every few seconds, and nothing about it seemed to have changed. It wasn't stopping any time soon.

"I put a movie on to distract her because I thought I could get the kitchen done faster but, okay, this is pretty horrible. I wasn't even thinking... I put Bambi on." She says at last, _her_ worry at an all time high. She sounds a little distressed by the whole thing, and Sam's breathing has become somewhat normal knowing that there were no serious injuries or vengeful criminals banging down the doors.

"I don't understand..."

"Urgh! You don't remember it do you? Or did you ever even see it!" Izzy seems distracted and frustrated with him, which only frustrates him further, still not understanding exactly what had gone wrong. "Uncle Sammy, the mother deer, Bambi's mom, gets shot."

At the reminder, he does remember that movie being fairly traumatizing as a young child, but for a young child whose mother had passed rather recently...

He knew exactly why Izzy was freaked out.

"Just, try and get Andy here fast, and make sure she doesn't hate me, okay? I didn't mean to-"

"Is, she couldn't hate you if she tried. It'll be okay, we'll be there soon." Sam says gently, now trying to best figure out how to calmly get Andy home.

He hung up without saying goodbye, but he figured Izzy had more important things at hand, like he did, and soon he was weighing the pros and cons of telling her right off the bat what had gone wrong.

He felt bad knowing this had been her first night out in a while, and wouldn't want her to think that it was a mistake, like Charlotte shouldn't otherwise be safe in his "nieces" care. But he also knew there would be hell to pay if no one told her.

So, on he went.

* * *

She was on her second drink when Sam approached their table. She hadn't even meant to stay for another but when the bomb dropped that Sam Swarek was back on the market, she absent mindedly reached for the pitcher and poured herself another.

"McNally, grab your stuff, we gotta go." He says, more demanding it really, but either way she doesn't like what he's suggesting.

"Actually, I'm not quite done my drink yet, and I don't need a ride so, feel free to leave without me." She mutters, taking a slow sip, making it really look as though she's trying to savour it.

She expects him to take it in stride, give her a quick 'Oki doke' and be on his way, but when he gets a little closer and leans in so close she can feel his breath on her neck, she shivers, and doesn't understand why he's taking it as a challenge. Unless he means he wants her to go, home, _with_ _him_. He really shouldn't tempt her like that.

"Andy, Izzy just called me, they're fine, but Izzy doesn't know what to do, and Charlotte wants you." He says, with an eerie calm.

And yeah, he _said_ they're fine, but clearly she's needed, so she does grab her things, ready to dive into action, where for once, with one person , she's truly needed, and then she runs.

* * *

They were a few minutes away from Andy's condo when the first words were spoken, and surprisingly enough the words were Sam's. He'd been wondering how to approach Andy on the subject since he managed to catch up with her in the parking lot, and insisting it'd be faster to drive. Seemed like some part of her was convinced she could run fast enough if she had the will.

He hadn't given her the whole story, but chose to tell her that they watched Bambi, and unlike him, that was all Andy needed to know.

"Don't be upset with Izzy, she wasn't really thinking about that."

Andy takes her eyes off the road ahead and looks at him briefly. She considers the fact that she'd love for there to be somewhere to place blame, but it just as easily could've happened to her. In fact she should've gone through the movies and thrown out The Fox & The Hound and The Lion King too...

"I know, I'm not." She says, refocusing her eyes, trying to remain calm and ready to deal with a hysterical Charlotte, yet again.

Sam decides that maybe now isn't exactly a great time to be getting anything out of her, she is uncharacteristically not Chatty Cathy right now, and he doesn't want to prod, or get into her space. She made it quite clear last week that she had no time for him in her life. Their life, he guesses.

The building comes into view not too long after and he can see that she's only grown more anxious to be inside, figure out what's going on, what she can do to help.

He pulls up to the curb to let her out, and watches her disappear into the building while he pulls into the park lot next door, and jumps out, not wanting to be left too far behind.

Maybe it wasn't so insane for Andy to think she could run home faster than he could drive her, because he seems to think taking the stairs would be faster than the elevator. So by the time he hits her door, that she clearly swung open without bothering to close, he's out of breath, and a little sweaty.

* * *

The moment she ran through the condo and saw poor Izzy trying to comfort a tear streaked cheek Charlotte, she couldn't help the small smile. Izzy looked so terrified and guilty, it made Andy's heart melt a little. Andy had definitely had a few of those moments herself. And it seemed as though whatever method of soothing she'd chosen, it had started to work.

"Hi guys," Andy says, announcing her presence, hoping that she can help the situation even more. "Hey Charlie, what happened?"

"I," she paused for a quick hiccup, "Watcheded a sad movie."

"Oh, I'm sorry." Andy says, as though that's supposed to make Charlotte feel better. But really they all know she's trying to move the conversation along.

"The mama dead." She says, pools collecting in her eyes again, and finding their way onto Andy's exposed shoulder.

"Yeah, do you miss Mama?" Andy asks, knowing the answer. They all do.

And then Izzy spots her Uncle skulking in the doorway.

"She okay?" Sam asks her, panting for some reason. Izzy gives him a furrowed brow and takes in the sweat glistening on his forehead and can't help but feel that where one of them goes, the other will always follow.

Izzy nods, and lets Andy keep going.

"Yeah." Charlotte mumbles again, sighing deeply, now soothing herself. Andy bounces her in her arms a little so that she pulls away and looks at her face, and Andy smiles at her trying to get a smile out of Charlotte too. Her dad used to tell her that a smile was the best medicine, and they were contagious.

"We could go give flowers to mama's earth stone." Andy says, a little more quietly.

Andy hadn't been sure of how to explain to Charlotte what was going on at the burial that day, and told her simply that the only way to heaven, is through the earth, and God doesn't want us to forget the ones we've lost, and so where they enter, you mark it with a stone.

Traci had been with them at the time, and amazed with how Andy had handled it. It was exactly what a mother would say. It was exactly what Charlotte's mind could process. It made sense.

"Yeah." She says a little more brightly, offering Andy a tired smile as well. But Charlotte looked like she'd worn herself out, and was ready for bed at any moment.

"Izzy, I'll walk you down. Charlie, you remember Sam right?" Andy asks, walking to where he was leaning in her doorway, still. "I want you to show him some of your toys while I say goodbye to Izzy okay?"

Charlotte took her job very seriously, and squiggled out of Andy's hold before scampering off into the bedroom, ready to show him every stuffed animal they had piled on the bed.

"You don't mind do you?" Andy asks, already reaching for her wallet out of her purse, and Izzy's arm.

"I can drive her home Andy-"

"I drove mom's car." Izzy volunteers, wanting to watch him squirm under the pressure of handling Andy's kid. She knows younger ones make him more nervous, he wasn't nearly as good with Kate as he was with Maddie, and it always made for a good laugh.

"Great then we'll settle up and I'll be right back." Andy declares, shutting the front door, just in time to see Charlotte run back into the room tossing an armful of stuffed cats onto the floor.

"Let's play!" She hears her god daughter declare before wandering off down the hallway after Izzy.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: To Stacy, pretend it's last night. Then I'm not late, AND you're imaginative. How wonderful that is for you. **

* * *

"Meow." Charlotte purrs, pretending that the plush toy in front of her was as real as the stunned man sitting cross legged, and across from her.

She ran the cat across the floor, and over top of each obstacle it would meet. Eventually it made a leap over Sam's leg, and he smiled at her.

"My kitty's name is No... No... Noelle. Whas your kitty's name?" Charlotte asks a moment later, after struggling with the name, truly interested. Of course they couldn't play together until they were sure of the others character choices. To Sam it was like learning a partners cover story. It made sense to him, why she needed to know.

"Oliver." He laughs at last, picking up one of the older, beat up toys. Clearly this one had had a lot of use and attention from the small girl, and her shining smile told him that she approved.

He looked into her eyes for probably a fraction of a second, and he knew he was in big trouble. In recent years he'd found himself being drawn to doe eyes, but these clear blue eyes radiated an innocence that he'd never seen. He knew this little girl would have him wrapped around her itty bitty finger.

"Thas a funny name." She decides at last, a little giggle escaping.

She continued to make her cat race around the floor and over every object in the living room that it would meet, while Sam sat there simply holding his, and watching her.

She seemed just fine being left to play, and satisfied with Sam naming the cat and then sitting out, that is until her cat, Noelle, ran smack into Sam's thigh.

"Hi kitty," She says in a slightly higher pitched voice, indicating that she was speaking on her cats behalf.

This is where Sam Swarek became stumped. His pride and ego told him to just walk away, try to convince her that she's sleepy... but no one was there. Who would know? He didn't want to disappoint Charlotte, not for anything.

"Um, hey." He says, letting his voice drop a few octaves. Apparently in order to play 'cats' you had to immerse yourself completely.

"Mr. Kitty Oliver, you should come to my house." She replies in her squeaky little voice.

Sam doesn't really know what to say, and Charlotte's eyes haven't found his yet to show that she requires a spoken answer, so he just watches her, making the cat traipse around Sam's cross legged legs.

"You can come, cause I don't have a mama, so you can play daddy... Mr Kitty Oliver." She adds, thoughtlessly covering up the truth underneath their game.

Sam is stricken by the sentence. Of course he knows that this is fresh in her mind after all the events of the night. But he thought that Andy's talk had helped. They settled that she'd go to her mother's grave, and then she was all smiles. Isn't it that easy with kids?

"You've got a... you've got Andy." He says, having started the phrase in his own voice, then realizing his mistake.

Charlotte smiles briefly, accepting that truth, and acknowledging that it's better than no mom at all, but stays quiet. For awhile.

"But I don't have a mommy or a daddy. Mama's an angel."

Sam feels a pang in his chest, and suddenly everything tightens. It's hard for him to breathe evenly. The simple phrase. Not 'mommy's dead', or 'mommy's gone'. No, she's an angel. Like she achieved some kind of final ascension and is in a better place.

For Sam it was always 'left'.

"My mommy's an angel too, Charlotte." He says, finally addressing the girl directly, feeling a bit ridiculous pretending this was a charade with a cat.

She doesn't look up at him at that. But he guesses he didn't expect her too. Charlotte has hugged the cat close to her chest, and leaned back against the couch in the living room, and is petting the cat caringly. Her eyes are turned down, but he can tell they're also close to closing. She's had a long, emotional night after all. Bambi and what not.

"Mama's happy in heaven." Charlotte says quietly, after Sam had stopped expecting her to say anything. With her little body nearly ready to go limp with sleep, Sam begins to prop her up a little, only to have her come too enough to scramble onto his lap. "Mama's waiting for me. But Auntie Andy say I have to have a happy life. Thas what mama wants."

Sam can't even imagine what Andy had to go through, trying to explain this to the young girl, just shy of three years old. While Charlotte's definitely a well developed toddler, he can hardly grasp the justice of death himself.

Andy seems to have a knack for helping people grieve, apparently.

Because that thought, that his mother, father, Jerry, are all their waiting, waiting for him to fulfill the lives they were robbed of... it makes him feel lighter. And maybe when she pushed him with Jerry... maybe she really could've helped him. Even if she couldn't have...

She wanted to go through it with him. He could've let her. Should've let her.

"Yeah, I guess my mommy's waiting for me too." He says quietly, looking at the black television screen in front of him, Charlotte dozing off in his arms.

* * *

That's the scene Andy sees when she returns from the parking lot, seeing Izzy off safely, and reassuring her once again that she doesn't blame her for the Bambi incident. Sam with Charlotte in his arms, getting ready to lift her off to bed.

If they weren't in such an odd standstill in their friendship, thing, she'd probably immediately start shedding clothing, and pounce. But, it's hardly _her_ fault, it's primal. An alpha male holding a small child?

She's not insane. In fact, she'd be insane to not want to... right?

Somewhere between the sight stopping her, and her hormones going into overdrive, she manages to talk her quivering ovaries down from the ledge, and speak.

"Hey, she okay?" Andy asks, wanting to be sure that playing cats had in fact taken her mind off of Bambi, at least for now.

Sam relaxes his arms that were getting ready to support her small body and lift her when he hears that Andy's returned.

He nods, sure that any vibrations in his chest when he spoke would wake her.

"Izzy left. So..." Andy's not really sure where they should go from here. Things would've been so simple if he had just driven Izzy home. He'd be out of their hair, and she'd have Charlotte in bed. He wouldn't plague her thoughts tonight.

That's something she noticed. Days that she doesn't see him, or they don't talk, she's fine... somewhat. But any sightings or conversations, they make her heart ache. They make her dream of him when all her defences are down for the night.

He nods slowly, looking back down to the small bundle that let out a small mewl in her sleep, and Sam's heart began to swell. Everything about this little girl had him completely done up inside, and he couldn't figure it out. It made him seem senseless.

Her mouth was hanging open just a little, and light, angelic snores escaped, but it was the sweetest sound. Her breath was so soft from her tiny lungs that he barely felt them, but the reassurance that it was life he held in such a small package, made him stare in wonder.

He's held other peoples kids before. Knew Oliver since Izzy was Charlotte's age, but this was different. This child was... different.

Maybe it was the fact that Sam was dying to play knight in shining armour for the two ladies of the apartment, protect them from some of the hard truths they'd yet to see. Or maybe it was because Charlotte didn't have it as easy as others. He wasn't sure.

But he wants to be here, more. He wants to see that Charlotte and Andy are okay, always.

The thing that snapped Sam out of his own thoughts was that Charlotte stirred when Andy leaned down to take her from Sam. And reluctantly, she awoke.

"Auntie?" She mumbles, rubbing at one eye with a small fist, sweeping away the sleepy's.

"Yeah?" Andy answers, so softly Sam nearly misses it.

"Sam's gonna play daddy." She mumbles again, before settling in for her transport to bed, hiding in Andy's shirt.

Andy's heart stills, she thinks, and she begins to turn about 5 shades of red, searching Sam's face for an explanation of some sort. He manages to choke out a nervous laugh and waves her off to the bedroom, wanting to put a little distance between them after that comment.

Clearly he'd done a good job of impressing Charlotte...

"Okay, Charlie." She concedes, not really knowing what else there is to say.

* * *

When Charlotte was changed, and in bed, Andy came back into the living room to find that Sam was still there, sitting on the edge of her couch, leg bouncing lightly.

She didn't know if she should interrupt the deep thoughts going on behind those stormy eyes so she stood there a minute before clearing her throat.

"I was gonna take off, but I thought if you needed... anything." He says, deciding that he doesn't want to assume _he's_ needed. He's fairly convinced Andy's never _needed_ anybody, but, you know.

"No, I think we're good." She smiles. Too big, and she knows it, so he doesn't make a move right away. He looks like he wants to smirk but is holding back, and she lets the smile come to a grimace, and then a close. "Thank you, though. For driving me over."

"Of course. When anxious teenagers call..." He smiles, really turning on the charm, dimples in all their glory.

"My hero." She laughs, sincere this time, starting to feel a little better, like her toddler won't be scarred forever. "Well, I should get to bed. Now we have to go to the cemetery tomorrow.."

Sam takes a quick peek at his watch, and notes silently that it was only nine o'clock, but he guesses this is what her body has adjusted too. Going to sleep with Charlotte, not wanting to be alone with too many thoughts for too long.

He's about to begin saying goodbye, and his awkward shuffle to the door, when her face lights up with realization and she speaks again.

She had been wracking her brain, trying to keep him around just a little longer, see where it could go. See if they could even be somewhat themselves anymore. But she did need to know...

"Oh, and if you know any realtors who 'owe you favours' can you send them my way? I have to get a bigger place."

She figures that if anybody has 'a guy for that' in his back pocket, it's Sam Swarek. People who owe him favours all over the country, she swears. Just when she'd mention needing something, wanting to find something, he had it ready the next day, or at least a number she could call to find it.

"Feels like you just got this place... it's not a part of 'the plan'." Sam's pretty sure she'd said five years before she'd flip it. Odd to think, in retrospect, that already two years had passed since then. Feels like two months.

Her raised eyebrow is all the answer he needs. Plans change.

* * *

He did mean to call her. He did.

But the division had a cold case come up, and he was absolutely buried. It wasn't until Andy's first day back that he realized how much time had passed, how long they've been working on a case that had made no progress. And that bothered Sam, almost more than anything.

So, being Andy's first day, being yet another fruitless day for his case, he was a grouch.

And Andy knows his tells. She knows the signs from a mile away, but still she walked into them over and over as a rookie, and then again as his girlfriend. You'd think three years would've taught her something, but no.

She disobeyed his orders. Again. She went to go 'chat' with one of the 'witnesses' again. And fine, she broke the case, they got their guy, but only because he tried to kill McNally to keep her quiet. Only because McNally chose to pay him a visit on his turf, rather than invite him back to the station. Only because McNally pushed her intrigue a little too far.

If Price hadn't been there, who knows. But she was, so.

Luckily he didn't get the chance to corner her in the locker room with his list of why all the things she'd done were reckless, Charlotte being at the top of it. He was dragged into Frank's office, and forced to relive the entire damn day again.

And by the time he was storming down the steps, ready to talk to her, he saw Tommy and Charlotte at the front desk, having a chat with Peckstein.

He stays where he is, watches on as Charlotte's face brightens and she lets out an exclamation that causes the faces around her to smile. And of course, Andy appears from the women's locker room, face rather neutral until she looks directly at Charlotte.

He steps a little closer to better see the interactions of the McNally's.

Andy's smile is... watery. That's what he can see. Her smile is small, and close mouthed, and she immediately goes to lift Charlie out of Tommy's arms, pulls her close.

Charlotte's little legs wrap around Andy and she gleefully yells 'monkey hug', causing Tommy to shush her, and Andy to pull her head forward, next to hers.

Andy's hand is smoothing down the hair on the back of Charlotte's head, over and over. She begins to pace away from the group, slight bounce in her step, and that's when the light catches something falling from Andy's cheek.

Andy is making motions that are used to soothe a baby, but right now she's the one that needs soothing.

Sam feels any and all anger slipping away, and he desperately wants to move to her when he sees Charlotte's smile in contrast. Andy is holding her for dear life right now, reminding herself of what's at stake every morning that she puts the uniform on.

Of course she understands how much she has to lose. Who she has to lose, and who would lose her in return. Today was a mistake, an accident. He knows that. He knows that every time she's infuriated him for the last three years she's had the best of intentions.

But today, history nearly repeated itself. And he just couldn't let rational thought school his emotions. He was at the end of his fuse, and he snapped. Today he almost lost his best friend all over again.

He's pulled away from that dark corner of his mind when Charlotte's smiling face spots him, and she cocks her head to the side just a little, resting it right up against Andy, and waves.

He lets the worry in his face go, and he feels a small smile grace his own lips, before waving back.

The point is he didn't lose her. She's still here.


	7. Chapter 7

"McNally!" Sam calls from his office as he notices her on her way out of the barn one morning after the night shift. "You forgot to sign one of these papers."

He notices her hanging her head in exasperation, before turning quickly and racing for his office. He imagines all she wants to do is go home and get some sleep. But he does need the signature... that and he wouldn't mind having a little conversation with her.

She throws her bag down in the chair opposite his desk when she gets up there, huffs out a deep breath, runs a hand through her hair and taps her foot while she waits for Sam to pass her the file.

"C'mon Swarek some of us have lives." She says, smiling, so that when he looks up at her with raised eyebrows he knows she means nothing by it.

"Yeah, yeah McNally, keep your pants on." He quips, handing the manila folder her way and sitting down in his chair.

She drops her jaw for a moment, letting a few memories of him and her pants come into her mind, before snatching it out of his hands.

"Yeah well, if dad has to get Charlie up and feed her without me there, she'll drive him up the wall." Andy sighs, grabbing a pen from the cup on the desk, and bends over to inspect the paper. "Never buying her Lucky Charms again."

Sam gives her a quizzical look, as if it were the oddest phrase to come out of her mouth. But Andy finally finds the missing line, and quickly whips the pen around, and hands the paper back to him before he can fix his expression.

"You sound like such a mom." He states, putting the paper back into its place in the folder and places it neatly in its drawer.

"And?" She asks, searching his face with a smile.

"Nothing. Just still getting used to that." He smiles.

"Me too I guess."

They stand there for a few moments, smiling at one another like idiots when a rush of detectives come through the office, clearly just getting ready to start their day. The reverie is broken, and she looks down at her feet, and Sam shuffles some papers around his desk and clears his throat.

"So uh, she's good? You're good? Everybody's-"

"Good?" She laughs, teasing. "Yeah, we're both pretty good. I mean, Christmas around the corner will be tough, but, she barely remembers the last one so..."

Andy shrugs her shoulders, and shifts her weight briefly from foot to foot. She looks uncomfortable to Sam. Like someone wrapped her in a scratchy wool blanket after being eaten alive by mosquitoes.

Losing control, not being able to make a plan, it makes her uncomfortable. It's one of the few things that scare and constrict her. She's been working on it. Especially now that things have changed. Kids make plans and details hard. You have to prepare for gray area and chaos, and Andy wasn't too sure how she'd cope with that.

"I just wish I knew what was going through her head, you know?"

Yeah he knows.

_"I wish you were in my head, I wish you could read my mind.'_

It's a super power Andy McNally could really use.

"She's three Andy. What's going through her head is who her favourite Disney Princess is, what her favourite colour is this week, which kid in day care she's going to share the crayons with. By the time Christmas rolls around, all she'll be thinking about are the presents." Sam says. He doesn't actually know that he's right. But what he does know is that eventually, Charlotte won't be as stuck on not having her mother around. Because it's not true.

She's got a mother, it just isn't the one either of them would have chosen given the option. But they were lucky to have each other. Three, five years down the road, that's all Charlotte is going to remember.

"We'll see." Andy says, reaching for her bag. She's turned around fully before stopping and facing him again, one last thing popping into her head. "By the way, do you think I... Charlie and I could borrow your truck for a couple of days next week?"

His eyebrows go up, and he manages to stutter out, "My truck? You want to borrow my truck?"

She tucks a loose strand of hair behind her ear, and pulls her bottom lip behind her teeth. Bats her eyelashes a little too.

"Well, not just me, it's for Charlotte too..." She begins slowly, making sure he's picturing the little angels clear blues, and little ringlets. Her squeaky laugh for good measure too. "We found a house."

"Charlotte's not driving my truck."

"Sam-"

"I mean it Andy, you're the only one driving that thing. Not any of the monkey's helping you move furniture. Not Epstein, Diaz, Collins... especially not Oliver. Just you." He says, acknowledging that while he had been kidding, if anyone else got behind the wheel her privileges would be revoked.

She smiles widely and tilts her head, noting what a protective dork he's being.

"So I can borrow it?"

He leans back in his cushy seat and puts the tip of his pen against his chin, thinking it over 'carefully'.

"You know what McNally, I'm not so sure it's a good idea after all."

She lets go of her doe like expression from before, the one that she used many times to get her way, and gave him her best unimpressed face.

"What?"

"Well, I just don't think I'm comfortable with you having my truck for two whole days..."

He lets her sweat it. He watches her watch him for a tell that he's joking. But the thing is, that he's not. He really does believe that he's got a better plan up his sleeve.

"I'll tell you what, I'll drive it." He says once he's watched her muster up enough anger to argue the points for which she is a good driver.

Andy lets go of a deep breath and smile, shaking her head at his ridiculous roundabout way of helping her out.

"I _guess_ I can help you haul the load too..." He huffs, feigning imposition.

She cocks her head to the side, looking at him with a hopeless face as if to ask if he's done being ridiculous.

The ring of his office phone and the rest of the chaos around them bring them both out of their little world and she eventual just waves him off and continues on her way out the door.

But he knows he'll be seeing her soon.

* * *

And he does.

The move doesn't go off without a few hitches. The first couple of hours were spent watching Charlotte while Andy finished packing odds and ends that she hadn't gotten around too. It included a box of his stuff she'd never given back.

_"Is that my sweatshirt McNally?" He asked, Charlotte sitting in his lap, using her sticky fingers to flip through an old wedding magazine while they waited._

_(Whether it was from her own engagement, or Nash's he's unsure. But either thought leads his thoughts down a dangerous path.)_

_ He only caught the frayed sleeve of it that was hanging out, but he recognized the thumb holes she punctured in it only a few weeks of it being at her place._

_"Yeah MNally." Charlotte mimicked, frowning her face up like Sam's._

_The sight made Andy smile widely before turning her attention to Sam's question._

_"Uh, no, don't think so." She said, continuing on to the front door where the stack of unloaded boxes were waiting to be taped up._

_Sam's eyebrows go up a little._

_"You don't think so? Well you'd better be sure McNally." He says, relatively quietly, pulling Charlotte up with him as he began to stand. He pulled Charlotte up across his cradled arms, ready to be an airplane, and they 'whooshed' over right to where she was standing by the door._

_He dips Charlotte head first into the box telling her to take a good look before straightening her up, and holding her normally, with her legs wrapped around his torso._

_"Charlotte, does that look like a dark blue sweatshirt to you." He asked, looking at her inquisitively, chin up, eyes lowered to her._

_"Uh huh. Naaaaavy." She sang, ratting her aunt out purposefully. _

_"And does it look too big for a girl?"_

_"Uh huh." She nodded enthusiastically, getting a frown from Andy._

_Andy looked between the two of them, and sighed, pulling it from its box, revealing that they were right. It was Sam's._

_"Traitor." She said to Charlotte, before stealing her out of Sam's hold and tickling her till she was out of breath from squealing and laughter._

* * *

And then of course after that, Sam and Andy had a tiff over the fastest way to get to the new house from his.

_"I'm telling you this is a short cut McNally." He insisted, pushing at the map she had clutched in her hands the minute he took a turn she didn't advise him to take._

_"Yeah, if I wanted to go to Koreatown..."_

_"Andy, I'm telling you this is the best way to go."_

_"And I'm telling you you're going to have to double back if you don't take the next..." He blew through an intersection before smirking over at Andy, knowing what she was about to tell him. "left..."_

* * *

Then it really went downhill when Sam dropped a box of her books on his toe.

_"This one is really heavy Sam. Careful going up the stairs." She said, as she slid it over to him from the bed of the truck. _

_They'd been unpacking for a couple of hours and all the furniture had been moved in. They set up Charlotte's room first and unpacked one of her boxes of toys to keep her busy while they took care of the rest, and so far it'd been a big help not having her constantly under foot._

_"Yeah, thanks McNally, wouldn't have figured that one out." He said, grunting under the strain. "You know you're supposed to pack books in lots of smaller boxes, right?"_

_She shrugged helplessly and smacked her gum once, getting him to wince. He let out a frustrated sigh before trying to move as levelly and quickly to her front door as he could. _

_After making it up the stairs successfully, he turned to Andy to make a face. Maybe stick out his tongue with all the maturity he can muster. But she's not paying attention when he does, so he turns quickly, knocking his hip into the post of the banister, dropping the box onto his toe._

_"Jesus fuck!" He hisses loudly, wincing from the shooting pain going through his surely broken big toe._

_ Once he's seated himself on the stairs and pulled off his boot, Andy is running up to the front door, and he hears a small curious voice behind him._

_"Whas fuh?" She piped up just as Andy is bending down to inspect Sam's injury. _

_Andy straightened immediately and went past him up to Charlotte._

_"No, no, no, no, no." She said with every climb of the stairs. "Sam didn't mean to say it."_

_"But whas it?" She asked again._

_Sam ignored the throbbing for a moment, to hobble up to where they are, half way down the stair case._

_"Charlotte, it's a very, very bad word. If Santa hears you say that word, you'll be in big trouble." He covered, thinking Andy was taking too long to explain._

_The little look of shock on her face told them that she wasn't going to push it any further with trying to get an explanation. When it appeared as though that matter has passed as the most urgent for the moment, Andy turned her attention back to Sam, and his now purpling toe._

_She reached to take off his sock, and was surprised when he didn't argue over letting her fuss about it. She knew he'd rather rub some dirt on it and get on with the day. But he was secretly liking the attention._

_"Naughty list trouble?" Charlotte whispered quietly, while neither adult spoke, just focused._

_Sam looked over at her and solemnly nodded his head, and she made a sad face, but seemed to bite back the tears of guilt. He recognized that she'd already said the word and was now terrified that Santa won't be paying her a visit this Christmas._

_"Look, Santa knows you didn't mean it like that Charlie. You were just asking a question. It's good to be curious sweetie." Andy said, inspecting and pulling at Sam's other toes to make sure his big one was the only one damaged. When she got too close and he grimaces, she put the sock on the floor, and refocused her attention on Charlotte. "I'll make sure to tell Santa in your letter that it was a mistake, okay?"_

_Charlotte grinned, and Sam pulled her in for a sideways hug, and apologized for his language._

_"Okay, we can either go to Emergency now, and wait for five hours to hear what we already both know, or we can ice it, tape it, and I can rustle up some crutches from one of my many boxes." Andy said, making sure it's her no nonsense tone. Charlotte will have to back her up._

_"Why doesn't it surprise me that you have your own crutches?"_

_"Shut up Swarek." Andy laughed, helping to his feet... foot. As Andy got his arm around her shoulders, Charlotte grabbed onto his opposite hand, and both girls helped him to the kitchen._

* * *

It was a week later that Charlotte started telling Andy what to put on her list for Santa this year. Stuffies, puzzles, new markers, a colouring book, a princess kit with a tiara, tutu and necklace. Andy couldn't help but think that these were the easy years. Eventually it'd be designer clothes, perfume, iPods, iPhones, cars...

"You have ta write my lett... my lettey." Charlotte says running into Andy's room one afternoon before shift. She was half dressed in just her underwear and a tank top, but she pulled Charlotte up and seated her on the bed.

"Lette_r_." Andy corrects, nodding her head. "And mind your manners."

"Please."

Andy smiles down at her girl, and walks over to her night stand pulling out a pad of paper and a pen. Late grocery lists were a common thing for Andy. She'd wake up in the middle of the night remembering they were nearly out of peanut butter.

"Okay. Dear Santa..." Andy began, looking to Charlotte to see what more than the list she needed to send.

"Dear Santa. I'm sorry I said a vewy bad wowd. Thank you fo not being mad. I'm a good girl, I pwomise." She began, warming Andy's heart. Andy jotted everything down, word for word, not wanting to forget this moment. "Thank you fo Sammy. We love him so much. The End."

Andy's heart stopped beating for a moment, and her hand stopped moving as the words left Charlotte's mouth.

"Thas all mommy." Charlotte says, shaking Andy's still hand.

Mommy.

Charlotte just called her mommy, and Andy is frozen in place. She's completely over the shock of affection for Sam, she knew her little girl was attached. But... mommy.

"Oh... okay Char." She chokes out. Thinking she must have just slipped up. In the first week that followed Jenny's death she'd sometimes call her mommy when she was trying to wake her up. It was a mistake.

"Mommy?"

There it is again

"Yeah?" Andy chokes out again, looking into Charlottes big blue eyes rather than the yellow pad of paper in her lap. As their eyes meet, Andy realizes that hers are extremely wet, and can't describe what emotion it is exactly that's overwhelming her.

"Thank you." She says with a big smile, having remembered her manners. Charlotte crawls up onto her knees to give Andy a big wet kiss, and then flips onto her tummy to slide down the bed, and run out of the room. Leaving Andy simply stunned.

Mommy.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: This chapter wasn't intended to be just this single excursion... but it just kept flowing, so I went with my gut!**

* * *

"Munchkin?" Tommy asked the little girl gripping his hand tightly and staring into the grand store windows with such luminosity in her eyes. It was December first, finally, and the city was already gearing up for the season.

(To be honest they've been ready since Thanksgiving ended. But now that it was December, Andy was singing Christmas carols around the clock.)

Tommy stopped in front of The Bay's window display for the women's department, and decided that it was finally time to start thinking about presents. He remembered taking Andy when she was little. She'd spend hours in a store, touching every item, thinking of something for every person she'd ever met, and walking out with a gift for only her mother, and him.

Claire never liked him taking her downtown at night, especially not in the dark winters, but there was nothing Andy loved more than the city lit up.

Vendors had traded in hotdog carts for caramel apples and gingerbread treats. The whole general demeanour of the tall, otherwise cold, towers had changed completely on the outside with their proud 'Ho Ho Ho' signs hanging from balconies or in windows, and reindeer mounted on their tops.

And as the evening started to come, and the sky darkened, the streets were lit by not only street lamps, but bright white lights from every store, building or tree in sight.

Though every person Tommy had encountered on the street today seemed to be feeling the 'last minute' stress of shopping so early, Charlotte was swept up in the Christmas spirit.

The holiday _was_ Andy's specialty.

"Yeah?" She looked up at Tommy, taking a break from chomping on her ginger cookie. A small piece dropped from her mouth and Tommy smiled and wiped the remaining crumbs from the side of her mouth. She let her tongue run over lips in an exaggerated manner, and smacked them, followed by a large smile. "All clean!"

He looked up from Charlotte for a minute to look at the clothing wrapped around each mannequin and wondered if maybe Charlotte was too young for that still. But decided none the less that they should try to find something that Charlotte could give her.

"Charlotte? You know that Santa doesn't bring presents to grownups right?" He asks, wondering which bases of the holiday Andy was still spewing.

She nods slightly, eyes captured by the long emerald green dress on one of the mannequins. Tommy imagines the dress has got her mind thinking it'd make any girl look like a princess.

"Santa only has time for pwesents for kids. Cause... gwownups ask fo cars... And cars take a long time." She says, often pausing to remember the reason Andy had given her. Tommy raises an odd eyebrow at the remark, and makes a note to tell Andy to keep it simple with that, but quickly shakes it off to continue with his spiel.

"Yep. So do you think Andy was a good girl this year?" Tommy asks, trying to get the little light bulb in her head to go off. She's only three, but he knows his honorary granddaughter is already the cream of the crop.

"Uh huh. I wish I had monies." She says, eyes turning down to big orbs that would pool with water very quickly. Her little mouth was a straight line, and her cookie was dangling at her side, momentarily forgotten.

"Well I have some good news Charlotte." Tommy says, getting right down to her level and giving her a large smile. "I have a card. And it's a very special card, that has lots of monies... I mean, money, and it comes from a magical place called the bank. And they'll buy Andy a gift for you to give her."

He hopes that he hasn't doomed his daughter into having to lock away her credit card, but it was the first thing that came to mind.

To see Charlotte recover from her slump so quickly, Tommy decides it was worth it.

"What do you think kiddo, do you think we can find her something pretty for Christmas?" He asks, enthusiastically.

Charlotte wiggles her sweaty fingers in his palm that held them, and began to pull him towards the door.

* * *

Once inside, Charlotte's attention span lessened by half, and she zooms from display to display, casual wear to fancy designer name clothes made of softer fabrics, and silks. She insists on touching every single one until a sales woman gives Tommy a dirty look, and he ushers Charlotte away and to an escalator to see what the other floors might have to offer.

He has the upper most floor in mind, wondering if that's where they keep the kitchenware, but Charlotte doesn't make it passed the third when she spots the children section, and bolts off before Tommy's stepped off the escalator. He walks briskly behind her, never letting her leave his sight, because as an officer and father himself he knows it only takes five seconds to put hours between adult and child.

She's running a maze between the racks of dresses before finally rounding the other side of the floor where children's linens are kept. And there she spies, a mountain of plush cat pillows. She stops abruptly, eyes going wide at the tall stack in front of her, and her mouth turns upward into a large silly smile.

"Grandpa?" She asks, turning around quickly to make sure Tommy's seeing what she's seeing. "This is a good pwesent."

She takes two steps forward before Tommy can finish laughing, and pulls on the closest one to her, from the bottom of the pyramid.

Tommy watches it all happen in slow motion as many of the pillows fall to the floor, and Charlotte backs away from the ones tumbling from above.

She's squealing with laughter, and Tommy can't help but think of the moment as a dream come true to her, it's raining cats to her.

"Yeah Charlie? You think Andy would like this present?" He asks, seeing if he can get her to fess up.

"Umm..." She stares at it for a moment and then smiles back up at Tommy confidently. "Yep!"

"Really?" He asks again. "That's what Andy would ask Santa for?"

"Mmmm... No." She says softly, placing it gently on the now void table.

He smiles at her and gives her a pat on the back guiding her back to the escalator.

"It's okay pumpkin, we'll put it on your list." He says, reassuring her that all hope isn't lost.

She takes her big jump onto the escalator, this time going down, and Tommy decides to give her control of wandering through the store. There's a couple of hours before they have to worry about picking Andy up from the station, and she probably wouldn't mind if he took care of wearing Charlotte out before bed.

They see that same sales woman come up as they go down and he smirks knowing she'll end up cleaning Charlotte's mess.

They go all the way back down to the first floor and she doesn't run ahead this time. She has a destination in mind, and pulls Tommy along with her, showing him that she can pick out a present Andy will love. He's so focused on trying to pick out what item it is that she's leading him too, and then before he knows it, they're close to the entrance, just behind the window display, and Charlotte is pointing to the emerald coloured floor length dress. A dress far too extravagant for anywhere Andy might go.

"Princess dress." She says confidently, very sure of her choice this time.

Tommy stands with an expression of concern, afraid to turn down another of her ideas. He doesn't want to dishearten her. But... she'd never wear, at least not out of the house.

The dress was long and had a single shoulder strap with a high neckline, and tied behind the neck, leaving the back bare. He imagined it on a celebrity for an awards show, or a Real Housewives of Toronto gala night... But for his simple Andy, he couldn't see it.

"Well, Andy doesn't go to balls Charlie." He says, wondering if she has an answer for everything he says, like Andy used to.

"Sammy will take her." She replies, reaching out to touch the chiffon, but pulling her hand away, remembering the stares she got the last time.

Tommy gives the girl a sad smile, though she's turned away, remembering his daughters views on dating right now.

_"Why would I do that dad? Let someone into her life without a guarantee that they'll stick around? She shouldn't have to go through that." She said, wiping down the table one night after dinner, after Tommy asked about her love life._

_"I hate to break it to you kiddo, but that's already happening with Swarek." He'd laughed, picking at what was left of the pie she'd made earlier that day._

_She'd looked at him with a shocked expression, like she hadn't expected him to remember who helped her move, but she shook it off and kept wiping._

_"No it's not, that's different." She insisted. Maybe she truly believed it... And yet, _

_"You're right, it's worse."_

He's pulled out of his memories when he notices Charlotte moving around him, already distracted by something else, and he trails far behind her while she follows a decadently dressed woman to the jewellery counter on the other side.

She gets far too close to the woman for Tommy's comfort. It's like how kids get so caught up in watching someone, they forget that they can be seen too until they're spotted. Tommy worries this woman's face will be caked with makeup, and poor Charlie will spook.

But before he can run over and scoop her up he hears a familiar loud tone over by the watch counter.

"What?!" The voice says loudly with irritation. "You told me the battery would be replaced today. It's today, I'm here, why isn't it ready?"

"I'm sorry sir, we've been a little backed up. With the holidays and one of our staff went on mat leave early and-" The quivering sales man tried to explain, but Swarek was drumming his fingers against the glass case, impatient and unimpressed.

"Well when will it be ready?" He sighs, closing his eyes, and pinching the bridge of his nose.

"We'll rush it for tomorrow sir." The mousey man insisted, pulling out a pad to prove it.

"Thank you." Sam says, feeling a little more sorry for his tone and attitude, but it had been a long day. Probably. Tommy can imagine. He remembers his first years of the rotation as the most stressful of his life. Then again, his marriage was on the rocks, and his daughter had begun puberty... Sam couldn't say the same.

"SAMMY!" Is the next thing uttered out of anyone in their relatively quiet end of the store, and Tommy watches Charlotte fly over to him, and wrap her arms around his legs.

Sam is caught completely off guard and it takes him a moment to catch up to the moment, but when he does, he reaches down for her and lifts her up for a proper hug.

"Hey Charlie!" He says, turning his mood around completely. "What're you doing here?"

She hugged herself close, nearly cutting off his ability to breathe and piped up with, "Picking out pwesents."

"Yeah? Did you find one for Andy?" He asks, peering over her shoulder at Tommy, who can muster only a tight smile.

He pulls away from Charlotte so she looks at him with those big blues of hers and she smiles and shakes her head no. He smiles, knowing that Andy wasn't exactly difficult to shop for. She'd love anything and everything. From something novel in an infomercial to a salad spinner, she was a true believer in 'It's the thought that counts'.

"A dress!" She exclaims. Tommy drops his head in defeat, realizing now that this may have been a very bad idea, but before he knows it, Sam gets an opinion in.

"Andy doesn't wear dresses silly." He laughs, glancing where Charlotte's finger is pointed. And though it's around a corner, through the wall she's currently pointing at, he nods.

He has actually seen her in a couple. Quick stings, a couple of casual summer dresses on their days off... but nothing to fancy. That wasn't McNally's style. If it weren't for the relief and cool factor they brought her in the heat of the muggy city summers, she'd be happier in jeans.

"But all pwincesses need a dress for balls." She argues, needing her point to be taken seriously by both men. Tommy thinks maybe now she can see that Sam has no plans to take her to a ball, but Swarek has another answer for her before she can let it sink in.

"Andy's no princess!" He exclaims with a little exaggeration. "She's a warrior. Like Mulan."

Tommy wonders where he got that from, but focuses instead on Charlotte's reaction. Her face turns down, a bit like it did when he suggested that maybe a cat pillow wasn't in her dreams either, but Sam, quickly turns to one of the other jewellery displays and points to a simple chain necklace on the bottom.

"What about something like that? Andy loves her silver necklace."

Charlotte's face lights up, and she looks over to Tommy with a smile that tells him she's decided that that's the one.

"Mommy wears it evy day!" She beams, looking at it again. "Grandpa this one!"

Sam seems taken aback and confused by Charlotte's statement and wonders if she's slipped up or confused who they were talking about, so he looks to Tommy for clarification. He only shrugs his shoulders, and tries to convey with a nod that she really does mean Andy. He too had been unsure when he heard her refer to Andy as her mother at first, but Andy thought that making it a big deal would cause more trouble than it was worth. They were a family. These were relationships Charlotte understood. Andy filled the role of her mother, took over the duties, and so Charlotte bestowed upon her the title, and name.

And it had started her calling him Grandpa, which he couldn't deny made him happy.

As Sam seems to accept that, he smiles at Charlotte and Tommy releases a big breath and begins to fish his wallet out of his back pocket to retrieve the card.

While the two of them begin to stare at other jewellery in the case, he walks over to the woman at the till who overheard the entire thing, and went to box it up without a word.

"Quite the granddaughter you have there." She smiles, taking Tommy's card and swiping it quickly. "Really a daddy's girl."

He feels himself go to say something, but decides against explaining his complicated family tree to the stranger in front of him.

As he finishes up with her, and waits for his receipt, he hears Charlotte whisper to Sam,

"Grandpa has a magic card."


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY! I know I've been gone awhile, but it was hard... I was without inspiration from those two dummies. But they're getting it together, she's realizing things, he wants her to be happy, she loves him. And most importantly, he's her story. So, enjoy. Here's a little bit of that "real life, with her".**

"Charlotte, elbows." Andy warns, holding Charlie's bowl of soup just out of reach. The little girl slides them off of the table dramatically. Andy eyed her with a slight smile, and as she placed the soup down, Charlotte wiggled with excitement in her booster seat.

She knew that homemade soup was the only way to go, Sam was sure to tell her that several times when he found out Charlotte had a cold. The cold that Andy was now beginning to feel with every ache in her bones.

She'd already tried to warn Charlotte about the spreading of germs and been sure that she'd been washing her hands, but it must've been in her system long before either of them felt it coming on.

* * *

_"Hey McNally," He'd greeted, passing her desk while picking something up from Oliver's. "How's the family?"_

_She was about to look up at him with a soft smile, touched that Sam asked her every day with genuine interest, but she felt a tickle in her nose and the next thing she knew, she was throwing her head to the side for a sneeze. In search of a tissue she began furiously searching the drawers of her desk until she found one, and blew it one more time._

_"Great." She snivelled, seeming sarcastic merely from how long it took her to get the word out. "Charlotte's sick, and now I am too."_

_He took a minute to take in her red nose and puffy eyes, before cracking a small smile at her dishevelled appearance. It may have brought back some feelings. Feelings he shouldn't be having in the middle of the division, and more importantly not in front of Oliver..._

_"Oh McNally, the adventure begins. Kids are just little Petri dishes." Oliver laughed, before rising up to go to the break room to top up his coffee._

_Those bags under her eyes, the no doubt sore little scratch in her throat, all reminding him of how she looked before sleep. He remembered how there were a few nights in their time together where they'd stay up on her couch, talking long into the night. He'd stroke her hair until her eyelids were too heavy to keep open anymore. There was this content little sigh that usually slipped out before she gave up and let them close, and he'd stay there a long while after before carrying her off to bed. Stay there thinking about their day, about her, about the world. The future, with her._

_"Maybe you should take off, get some rest." He suggested, sitting himself down on the corner of her desk while she continued rifling through her notes._

_"No, I'm okay, I just need to get Charlotte better before the day cares Christmas party." She waved it off like it wasn't at all about her health, like it's just a simple cold and she'll battle through it come hell or high water. "She's been helping me bake cookies all week, she'd die if she didn't get to go now."_

_"Huh." He muttered, fiddling with his wrist watch briefly wondering how to move on to the next bit of conversation a little more effortlessly. "She seems to love Christmas."_

_"She does." Andy smiled proudly. "Gets it from me."_

_He nods, tongue running over his front teeth trying to fit back his smiles inevitable widening._

_"Ran into her and Tommy the other day." He said finally._

_She looked up from her computer screen, and folded her arms across her chest. "Dad failed to mention that."_

_"Yeah. They were doing some... They were just killing time before coming to the station, I guess." He said, changing his mind about what was to come out of his mouth. "Tommy doesn't like me much, does he?"_

_She snorted, unable to keep it in. "He loooooved you. I'd never seen him respect someone I've dated the way he respected you."_

_"Past tense." He pointed out, catching her wording. She bit her lip and looked guiltily to her feet. It's possible she shared too much with her dad about her breakup._

_"Yeah, well. One day when you have a daughter, you'll understand why he can't anymore. Exes kinda go on the shitlist." She smiled sympathetically, turning back to her computer to shut it down. She definitely leaned on Claire a little more after she realized who she was talking to. _

_When she finally let her eyes find Sam's again there was this mist about them. Something behind the deep brown orbs that changed, flashed very quickly. Then real time began and he smirked back and shook his head, picking up the files left behind, shuffling them to move back to his office._

_"Yeah, McNally. Someday." He said, before continuing on._

* * *

Andy's pulled out of her reverie when Charlotte sneezes sweetly into her soup, and looks at it as though it's now been poisoned. As if it wasn't in her system already...

She'd already tried to warn Charlotte about the spreading of germs and been sure that she'd been washing her hands, but it seemed to have manifested to germ phobia. God knows Andy wasn't going to waste that soup. She had to beg Sam to let it out of the clutches of the Swarek family, and it took two hours to make. This kid was going to eat.

"Charlie, eat your soup, it's good for you." Andy encourages, delivering a plate of crackers to her side.

"No!" She protests loudly, frowning angrily, sniffling, trying to avoid sneezing again anywhere in the near future.

Andy sighs dramatically and falls into the chair next to Charlotte, head buried in her elbow, breathing deeply. After a couple of moments of Charlotte's eyes staring wide at the back of her head, Andy propped her head up and put her bottom lip out a little.

"I don't know what I'm going to tell Sam." She says, not really to Charlotte, just like a mutter in general, but sure to catch her attention.

"Sammy?" Charlotte asks, perking up at the mere mention of his name.

"Yes. It's his soup. His very special recipe for curing little girls." Andy says seriously, as though he's possessed the sure to the common cold, and it was too good to share all this time.

Upon hearing those magic words, Charlotte clutched the spoon in her talons, again, and dug out a spoonful. She looked at Andy incredulously one more time, before carefully slurping the broth, and smacking her lips, inspecting the taste.

"Mmm." She says at last, going back down for more.

* * *

The afternoon was filled with couch sitting, and Magic School Bus watching, and eventually, Charlotte drifted off. Andy flipped the channel to Ellen, hoping to at least get a few laughs in before having to worry about waking her up to wash up for dinner, and make dinner, for that matter.

She lifted Charlotte as gently as she could off her lap, and repositioned her comfortably on the couch with her pink blanket and on top and thumb tucked safely into her mouth. After giving her an adoring look and kissing her gently on the forehead, she padded quietly to the kitchen where she made herself a cup of tea to soothe her throat. And then the headache hit.

At first she thought it was from standing too quickly, but after a couple glasses of water and no relief, she knew a migraine was setting in.

Tommy was at a meeting, Traci was working, and Gail took the boys to Niagara for their days off. Who would come to her house to care for Charlotte? Who would Charlotte let take care of her?

"If I were Charlotte..." Andy sighs, knowing exactly who needs to be called.

She reaches into her back pocket for her phone, and texts him a quick 'what's up' to make sure it wouldn't interrupt his plans, but as soon as she gets confirmation that it's nothing more than watching the game, she calls.

"Hey, Sam, it's me."

_"Oh, hey McNally..."_ He answers, not expecting a call.

"Hi. Look, uh, this is kinda weird, but everyone else is unavailable, and if you can't or don't want to that's fine it's just-"

_"Andy!"_ He interrupts, wanting the simple point. _"What can I do?"_

Andy runs a hand through her hair, and turns the corner to sneak a look at Charlotte whose still snoring softly, hair fanned out and dangling off the edge of the couch. She really needs to sleep off this headache..

"I need someone to come and make sure Charlotte eats dinner, and put her to bed. I can't." She says, without any kind of context. It's not until there's nothing on his end that she realizes she may have to offer more. So as she moves through the kitchen re-heating leftovers for dinner, she tries to say it, but he gets there first.

_"McNally, I know that she's two feet tall, and terrifying, but you've got stand up for yourself. Use your words."_ He laughs, causing her to crack a small smile.

"I have a migraine. I guess our cold got my immune system down, and it just hit me a few minutes ago. I need to sleep it off, but someone needs to be here with her." Andy says, softly, realizing his laughter had rocked her head a little. "So, can you help me out? Partner?"

"Of course. It's not a problem Andy. I'll be there in twenty."

* * *

True to his word, he showed up on her doorstep twenty minutes later, with a bag of goodies. While they stood there face to face, her just happy that he was here to rescue her, he smiled knowingly and pulled out a vanilla scented candle, and bubble bath.

She took them, laughing, and stepped out of the doorway and letting him inside. "C'mon in."

They walk quietly to the kitchen where he set down and emptied out the rest of the bag which included a restock of cold medicine and chewable Tylenol for Charlie.

"You are my saviour." She says emphatically, leaning over and placing her head on his shoulder as they stood next to each other. He relishes in the moment of closeness. But as it sinks in that she's more exhausted than wanting to find comfort in him, it prompts him to step away.

"You should go start your bath, and I'll start the food." He says, a little dismissively, taking Andy by surprise.

"Okay..." She sighs, turning around and leaving him to his food.

Before making her way to her room, she stops to wake up Charlotte, knowing that she's left it too late, but Sam can wear her out.

"Hey monkey." She whispers, rubbing Charlotte's tummy gently. "It's almost time for dinner."

Charlotte pops one eye open to look at Andy, before closing it again.

"C'mon baby girl. There's a surprise in the kitchen..." She tries again, smiling at her little girls likeness to her. Naps are hard to get up from.

"Cookies?" She mutters, hopelessly, assuming she'll be let down.

"No Charlie, not cookies." Andy smiles, brushing her blond mess of hair out of her face. "Why don't you go take a look."

Charlotte sits up a little, rubbing her eyes, and it takes her a moment before she identifies that there's another person in the house. She perks up a little before sliding her bum off the couch and dragging her blanket to the kitchen behind her, thumb still in mouth. Andy can't help but laugh and wonder if her girl even knows what the 'Peanuts' are.

She waits until she sees Sam, squeals and yells 'Sammy' a few times before slinking up the stairs, candle and bubble bath in tow.

* * *

As peaceful as she felt after her bath, and as sure as she was that her migraine was tolerable, she didn't manage to make it out of her bedroom. She curled up in her bed, and rested her head on her pillow and before she knew it, she was half asleep. And as everything in the house quieted, the stove off, her bathroom fan finished, she could hear the two of them downstairs.

She could hear counting, then 'Ready or not's' followed by the appropriate laughter when one was found. And as they took turns finding each other, Andy lay there remembering that she used to dream of a normal family. With Luke, when they were together. She did her best not to imagine it with Sam, wondering constantly if he ever saw them there... but she did. Two kids with deep dimples. His huge, honest eyes.

She remembers what Tommy had said...

_"Why would I do that dad? Let someone into her life without a guarantee that they'll stick around? She shouldn't have to go through that." She said, wiping down the table one night after dinner, after Tommy asked about her love life._

_"I hate to break it to you kiddo, but that's already happening with Swarek." He'd laughed, picking at what was left of the pie she'd made earlier that day._

_She'd looked at him with a shocked expression, like she hadn't expected him to remember who helped her move, but she shook it off and kept wiping._

_"No it's not, that's different." She insisted. Maybe she truly believed it... And yet,_

_"You're right, it's worse."_

_"Excuse me?" She asked, daring her father to say it again._

_Tommy dropped his head a little, knowing that Andy doesn't want his opinion, but he can't help what he's feeling, and that's the urge to protect all three of them form pain._

_"Sweetheart, this man is not your boyfriend, he's not your husband. There's no guarantee that he'll stick around, and yet, you're letting Charlotte get attached." He reasons, laying out all the facts._

_Andy stood there, sad eyes, defensive, but letting the reality sink in._

_"What if you do meet someone that you want a future with? Eventually let him meet Charlotte. And then there's some random man in her life, that was there before he was? It won't end well Kiddo." She nods in acknowledgement that there's some truth there. _

_But what if Sam is that guy? What if with time, they can explore this again?_

_No, because if they do and it ends, Charlotte gets hurt too, there is no winning. That's what he's saying._

_"And Kiddo, what if Sam moves on eventually. You think a girl would want him dropping by some other woman's house to spend time with her daughter?" Tommy says, trying to further convey that it's what's best for Sam too._

_But Andy's just feeling kicked while she's down._

_"I get it, thanks dad. Forever alone, it's fine." She says, throwing her cloth into the sink. She wipes her eyes quickly before Tommy can see, and clears her throat before turning to face him again. "Is that why you never dated? When I was growing up?"_

_Tommy takes a sip of his tea, and shakes his head, looking at her, conveying that he had far more issues than relationships._

_"I was a wreck kiddo. It was about a lot more than that." He sighs, kissing her on the forehead. "I just want you two to be happy Andy."_

_"I know Daddy."_

_But could she be happy, without both of them?_

She doesn't even realize that she's fallen asleep until she's jolted awake by another presence in her room. As she opens her eyes and sits up a little, she sees Sam, carrying Charlotte in.

"Hi." She whispers, running her hands through her hair, sitting up, and sliding over to make room. "Is everything okay?"

"It's fine." He says, focusing on Charlotte, placing her down as softly as he can. "She just wanted to sleep with you."

Andy points for Sam to bring Charlotte closer to the center of the bed, and Sam slides a pillow in under her head when she's in place, right in close next to Andy. When she begins to stir, they both stop dead, and wait as though if they do, she'll just go back to sleep. But Charlotte opens her tired eyes and inspects both hovering adults and wraps a tiny fist in the material of Sam's shirt.

"Sammy cuddle too." She sighs quietly, snuggling more into Andy's chest, and hanging onto Sam at the same time.

Sam looks helplessly at Andy, and Andy shrugs her shoulders, at a loss for an excuse. Because there's a big part of her that wants him there.

And while he knows that giving into a three year old would very easily destroy his reputation, and that he could say he has to go home, for just about every reason, he doesn't want too. Here, in their home, is where he wants to be.

As she watches him struggle to say no, and decides it's her move, he just needs to hear it from her.

"Sam, just, it's okay." She says, throwing back the blanket a little more.

He searches her eyes to see if it's really what she wants, or if she's just giving in because it's easiest for now. And then he sees her give in. He sees the weakness there, the same desire to know if it would be like before.

So he kicks off his boots, and he joins them. And over Charlotte's sleeping body, he finds Andy's hand. He keeps it protectively, in his.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Here's a little bit more. Now I know a lot of you are urging me to say hey, enough time has passed, they can be together now... but what have they really solved? I'm not trying to be cruel, but there's always something these characters have to work through in my stories, and these two have only just begun. Hold on tight.**

* * *

Charlotte, as usual, is the first one awake the next morning, and her bright and smiley face is the first thing Sam sees when he opens his eyes. She's grinning, pretty pleased with herself, and he guesses she's been awake for quite some time.

"Hi Sammy." She shout-whispers, nose to nose with him. He smiles at her attempts to be stealth, and pokes his nose forward a little, nudging hers.

Before he can make another move, she clasps his face between her hands, and drags his face until he's sitting up with her.

"Hey, Charlie. Good morning." He says, throat raspy and sore. He's about to clear it when he realizes that Andy is still 100% asleep next to them. His peripheral vision is only so good, but he gets an eyeful of her stretched out body. Shirt ridding up her stomach, revealing her still taut stomach. Her hair fanned out on the pillow, wavy, a little frizzy and mussed. But still it's one of his favourite ways to see her.

"Pancakes." She whispers harshly, releasing his face, and sitting back to give him a moment to decide if he agrees that that is what they need. He smiles, and laughs as quietly as he can. And while his tired eyes crinkle because his grin is just too damn big, Charlie beams back at him, before launching herself from the mattress, to the floor.

"Shhh... Charlie, let Andy sleep." He whispers, following her out, and scooping her up on his way to the door.

He carries her sideways, easily in one arm the whole way to the kitchen and sits her down on the counter next to the stove.

"You hungry?" He asks before pulling out the pancake mix from the pantry cupboards. She nods desperately and he grabs a banana from Andy's fruit bowl and opens it for her.

Charlotte swings her legs back and forth in the air and hums a Disney tune that Sam doesn't recognize as he goes to work getting the batter ready. Every once in a while he leans over to Charlotte, and she breaks off a piece of the banana and pops it into his mouth.

"Hank hou vewy much." He says, mouth full of a lot of banana. Charlotte giggles in delight at his antics and he laughs right along with her.

Once the batter is ready, and he starts pouring the perfect circles, he lifts Charlotte and holds her so she can drop chocolate chips into them. He realizes to late maybe it wasn't the right job for her as she begins assigning twenty or so to each one...

"Yummy, yummy, I love pancakes." She sing song-ed softly. "Mommy loves pancakes toooo."

Sam looks back at Charlotte for a moment, whose staring lovingly at her creations on the pan as he lets it sink in. Andy, mommy. He hopes to god that he'll get used to it enough that he won't feel a dull ache in his chest every time he hears it. But how great it is to hear. Charlotte finally beginning to see past the tragedy, and accept Andy.

"Yeah, she does."

* * *

When Andy awakes, it's to an empty bed and a quiet room. And for a brief moment she wonders if she dreamed it all. The hand holding, the warmth they brought her, his smell. She wonders if maybe she was so desperate for it that it manifested from her imagination.

But then she sees the rest of the bed is muddled, and sheets are everywhere and the pillow smells like his hair. It takes everything in her not to pull it close and breathe in deeply. But from where she is, it's torture enough.

The nights he had spent in her bed before last night don't even compare. The way he reached over to reassure her, to just have any kind of contact was the most... she'd never felt so whole. She'd never felt as cherished, as protected, as safe, knowing that he wasn't only there for her, but for Charlotte. Something primal about it... something that made her ovaries quiver.

And then she remembers how many nights she spent in this bed without him. Wondering exactly what she could've done to keep him. Blaming herself for her pushy nature. Blaming herself for telling him she loved him too soon.

But she could've sworn he'd stay. She heard him promise her he'd be there when things got hard, that he'd never let her go, and he did. Maybe they were just doomed from the beginning, and always would be.

And on that positive note, she figured it was time to drag herself out of bed and find her kid.

* * *

As she turns at the bottom of the staircase towards the kitchen, she hears Charlotte half singing, half humming a familiar tune accompanied by Sam, interjecting whenever a familiar lyric comes along. She smiles just a little. Imagining a younger Sam maybe watching whatever this was from with a young Izzy over at Oliver's.

When she enters the kitchen the two of them are laughing, and Sam's flipping pancakes. The light coming through the windows is nearly blinding, especially since the light snow fall last night. It's the first sunny day in a while and she imagines that it'll be spent shovelling snow out of the driveway.

"Mornin'" Sam smiles as he notices her come into the kitchen in her oversized shirt and double rolled sweatpants. She gave him a polite smile but moved her attentions immediately to Charlotte, picking her up off the counter in a big hug, and placing a good morning kiss on her cheek.

"Morning mommy." She smiles happily, wiggling to get down out of her hold.

"Morning Charlie." Andy lets Charlotte return to ground level, and she scurries over to her small arts table in the corner of the kitchen and takes to her colouring book and crayons, understanding that now all the talk is about to get adult and boring.

In all honesty, Andy wishes she'd stuck around. Keep an inevitable conversation from happening.

"So how's your head?" He asks, plating the completed food. "Bath help?"

"Yeah, definitely. Thank you." She says quickly, picking up one of the smaller pancakes and ripping it in half and tearing small pieces to pop into her mouth.

"Okay... you sleep okay?"

He regrets the question, because he knows that it's kind of heavy. He knows that he's slept better than he has in a long time. Maybe a little lighter, concerned about the bodies that were there with him, but definitely better.

"Yep." She smacks, munching more to keep her mouth busy.

He studies her a little further, and knows that something isn't right with her. But how could it be him? She called him. She told him to stay. And as much as he wants her to just feel the need to share it with him, he knows her better than that.

"Okay." He says, just trying to accept as happily as he can that she's processing something on her own. He continues to focus on the food and she moves to set the table for the meal, choosing the silence over stilted conversation.

* * *

He stays to clean up, which pisses Andy off a little more than it should. He was responsible for the big breakfast, he _should_ clean it. But he even gets Charlotte volunteering to help. She watches this perfect morning unfold where her girl is happy, Sam is here, and happy, and all she can do is bite her nails as she imagines it all disappearing. She gets angry with him for not realizing the position this puts her in.

She wants to shake him, tell him it has to be all or nothing, and _they_ aren't ready for all. She feels like it only just went up in smoke. Nothing has changed, not yet. The stakes are too high. And finally she just can't hold it in. One comment, pushes her to her wits end.

"So have you figured out what Charlotte's big present is going to be?" He asks finally, while Charlotte's upstairs.

"I think I've got it covered." She snaps, putting the last of the dishes away, pouring out half of the coffee he had left to load the mug into the dishwasher.

"Okay... I was just thinking, maybe, she'd like a pet cat, kitten." He suggests, scratching the back of his neck, a little embarrassed.

Andy lets the mug fall into the sink and hears a definitive crack of ceramic.

"Sam, she's three, she can't handle that responsibility." Andy sighs, frustrated, and not trying to hide it.

"It was just an idea. I know she loves cats-"

"Yes, thank you for that revelation Sam. I'm well aware what she likes, I'm only raising her!" She says, completely letting the fire out.

He throws the drying towel down, and folds his arms over his chest. Done with being her personal punching bag. Being sick of the lack of gratitude for last night.

"_What_ is your problem?" He snaps back, quick to let her know that this isn't going to fly.

"You. You are my problem, Sam."

"Okay, let's not forget that you asked me to be here. You called me. Thanked me, asked me to stay." He defends, laying out the facts being sure to use the best of gestures he can.

"And it was a mistake." She states simply, watching the hurt set in. "You are not my boyfriend, you are not her father. And she's too fragile right now. I can't just let people into her life who I can't trust to be there for the long haul."

He weighs what she's saying with soulful eyes, hurt, betrayed. He looks very taken off guard too. Had this really been what was on her mind all this time? The reason that she was indifferent to him? All of a sudden he's too close for comfort, and she just gets to decide when a line has been crossed, without taking him into consideration?

"She's too fragile? Or you are?"

Andy shrugs her shoulders helplessly and looks at her crossed ankles, because either way, it doesn't matter. Both affect Charlotte. Both would rock her world if something changed.

He knows what he wants... is the thing. He knows that he sees this future with her. He wants it so badly. He wants to see them like this a lot more. He wants to see Charlotte go through all the phases, to grow, and keep learning and discovering every day. He wants to have this small family that Andy stumbled into because of a tragedy. Overnight.

"And what if I am in it for the long haul?"

Her head snaps up at that and she's truly completely surprised to hear him saying it. He knows that maybe deserves a little more than words right now, but he has a feeling that what she's seen to date can't be concrete evidence. That just a promise isn't firm enough coming from him. Not when he's broken the only one he ever made her.

"I can't risk you being wrong." She says hopelessly. "Sam..."

She sounds so conflicted and broken, and torn in half that he feels badly for wanting to plead his case. But he's not going to give up the fight. Not again.

"Andy. I am not just saying this-"

"And I know you believe that. But it doesn't mean that you can guarantee that this will work. You can't guarantee that you'll be here no matter what." Andy refutes.

"I can." He insists, just wanting the smallest chance, anything to let her doubt get away from her.

She looks at him like she pities him for a moment, and he almost calls her out on it, but she drops the look and takes a step closer to him, gathering her hands in his, stroking the back of his hand with her thumb.

"Would you be willing to put a ring on my finger, here and now, can you promise me forever?" She asks simply. "Are you prepared to become a father. No more 'Sammy', not the guy who pops by when things are great, but the dad? But to be there when she falls, to console her, protect her from every evil in life? To give her advice, to help mould her, to be responsible for the person she becomes?"

Sam feels like she's shattering every illusion of what he thought this slow bond would be like. She's forcing it down his throat because that's the promise that she expects from someone this close to them. And the truth is he's not ready to be responsible for another human life. He loves that little girl, God knows he does, but he doesn't know that everything will just be okay because he wants it to be.

"Someday..." He begins to say, knowing that that alone means she's right. "I can't right now, because we-"

"We're unpredictable. There are a lot of things we have to try to work through?" Andy asks, rhetorically. "If it were just me, Sam, I think I'd be ready for this. A do-over, a second chance. But Charlotte changes everything."

Sam steps away from her. Her touch now like a cruel tease.

"Why can't we work towards this? Why can't we just work on this? Take it slow?" He asks, needing to exhaust every option.

"She's already too attached to you. And that's my fault. If you're going to walk out of our lives, it's better to do it now than in a few weeks, or months, or god forbid years." She pleads, just wanting him to walk out so she can forget this day ever happened. So that she can realize that this was exactly what she'd been trying to prevent since Charlotte came into her life.

Andy's relationships had always been toxic, and she wanted to leave the kid out of it. But by ignoring what her head was telling her heart, she did exactly that. Past the point of no return.

Sam finally gets himself across the kitchen, all the way away from her, too tempted to just shake her to make her understand... and he just shrugs his shoulder sin defeat. Looks down at the tiles to avoid the onslaught of emotion that he knows will hit when he gets to his big empty house.

"I'm not walking out Andy, you're pushing me, and running in the opposite direction." He says, voice raw.

Andy knows that. But she knows that this is what has to be done. At the end of the day Tommy was right. No matter how wrong she wanted him to be.

"I think you should go." She hides behind a small voice because she knows it's the coward talking.

Sam doesn't put up a fight. He doesn't utter a word in protest. He just turns on his heel and disappears down the hall.

She knows he goes upstairs to get his boots, and probably say goodbye to Charlotte, give her a hug and a kiss. Tell her Merry Christmas, whatever. And she doesn't rush him. She just stays leaning against the sink, staring at the wall ahead of her until she hears the front door close. And then her feet carry upstairs.

She pokes her head into Charlottes room to see her playing by herself, and softly shuts the door.

She pads into her bedroom, and buries herself beneath the comforter. When a big breath expels from her lungs, she rolls onto her side, grabs the pillow, and inhales. And then she lets go.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: And here it is. Less painful, I promise. But it wouldn't be something by me if I didn't keep conflict. Also, I really didn't look back and edit, so, sorry if the language seems repetitive.**

* * *

Christmas came and went far too slowly for Andy's liking, and that's how she knew things were wrong. She usually wished the season could last forever. People are at their kindest... mostly. People are a little more willing to open their hearts and homes. They were giving, and grateful. Of course the season didn't slow down for TPS, but they were more likely to witness random acts of kindness. More citizens arrests.

She spent her shifts leading up to the big day thinking about her life, Charlotte, her dad, everything.

* * *

_"You're right. It's worse."_

_"You. You are my problem, Sam."_

_"I'm not walking out Andy, you're pushing me, and running in the opposite direction."_

* * *

A broken record. Over and over and over again. But not a peep out of Charlotte. Andy has no idea what Sam said to her, but the girl didn't say a word concerning his whereabouts.

Christmas Eve they both worked. A case. Together. Traci had the night off to have her holiday celebrations with Leo, and Sam was up to his neck in a department store Santa scandal. Seems the old man in his sixties was stealing appliances and electronics early in the morning before shift, and his friend the janitor was his accomplice.

While Frank had her paired up with him to help out the D's, and their drive from scene to station, station to suspect, suspect to witness were all very quiet. If it wasn't about the case, neither spoke.

It was hard. More than hard. She's never had strep throat, but it has been described to her like 'swallowing tiny knives' and if that were the case, these knives were taking tiny little stabs at her heart with every beat.

His sideways glances weren't missed by her, and every time she felt her heart tighten, pulling those tiny little knives in just a little closer. Every beat after that was deeper. The blade stayed in longer.

At the end of the shift she thought there was a moment, that there could have been one. He said her name as she was walking to her car, but as she turned to him he seemed to choke on whatever thought he was struggling with. He shook his head in the end, breaking his big brown stare from hers and managed a 'Merry Christmas'.

On Christmas morning Charlotte came ripping into her room, shaking her shoulders, and eventually climbed into the bed next to her. Andy hid herself under the covers to get away. She understood the thrill of Christmas morning, waking up, drinking hot chocolate and sitting by a fire with the presents. But it was 6am, and they were supposed to wait for Tommy to join them before she started in on her gifts.

Andy threw the sheet and duvet over them both and grabbed Charlotte close to her, tickling her until she exhausted herself and calmed down a little.

"Presents?" She'd asked tiredly, realizing that this wasn't her body's nature. Andy smoothed the blond mess out of her girls face and rubbed her back slowly, soothing her back to sleepier state.

"Soon baby. We have to wait till Grandpa gets here." Andy whispers, kissing Charlotte's forehead and waiting until she was safely asleep again, before laying down for two more hours of sleep.

The day went smoothly. Charlotte shrieked and squealed appropriately when she saw her presents waiting for her on the hearth by the fireplace in the living room. She didn't even know where to begin so she gathered the wrapped presents in her arms and hugged them.

She held onto the plush cat pillow Tommy got her the entire day, and wore her new Cinderella princess dress and tiara. Andy swore she wasn't going to cry, but as Tommy told her to join Charlie for their first Christmas family photo together, she felt the smile turn watery.

The morning was great, the afternoon of Christmas classics and cooking was great, and dinner was great. She invited Chris and Dov, who worked the day shift and were too tired to get on the road to see their families, and they brought half the dishes required for a holiday meal, and surprisingly they were great. It certainly her small family feel bigger, and filled her house with a little more of the holiday spirit. She's pretty sure Chris could be vice president of her holiday fan club.

By all standards she set for the day they were met, if not exceeded by Charlotte's constant smile. But at the end of the night, after Charlotte was tucked in, the kitchen cleaned, and the weeks of leftovers were packed away, the hollow ache set in. She wasn't okay.

* * *

And now, two days later things had changed. Running around the house before work, Andy saw Charlotte sitting on the window sill. At first she thought that she was waiting on Tommy, but even after he came in and got situated she stayed there.

"Charlie?" Andy asks, coat on, waiting for a hug before she went on her way, but Charlotte paid no notice until her name was called.

She finally pulled her face away and looks at Andy absently, really just wanting to continue her staring match with the snowy streets. "Huh?"

"Bye buddy, I have to go now. Can I have a hug?"

Charlotte reluctantly pulled herself away, keeping an eye on the window, and giving Andy the quickest kiss and hug ever.

"Love you." Andy says, trying to get any last minute real attention from her girl.

"Wove you." She mutters, continuing to stare, and pulling away quickly, hustling back to the couch.

Andy and Tommy watch her for a moment before Andy finally has to be on her way without sliding into parade embarrassingly late and get a detail that no one wants.

"Keep an eye on her, dad. She's being weird." She says before leaning in and giving him a quick kiss on the cheek.

"Eh, she's a kid." Tommy laughs, giving Andy a knowing look. Andy was... an inventive child. To put it nicely.

"Mommy?" Charlotte asks quietly from her perch, still not giving them her full attention.

"Yes?" Andy replies almost as absently as she felt with her little girl today, picking her bag up off the floor, still standing next to Tommy.

"Is Sammy back?"

Andy stops moving all together, and lets her bag fall back onto the floor. She looks at Tommy first, eyebrow raised in case he knew something she didn't. But he seemed just as puzzled.

"Back from where, Charlie?" Andy asks, moving to the window sill to sit with her for just a minute. She can always spare a minute.

She runs a hand through Charlotte's hair, encouraging to look at her instead of out the window for once, and Charlotte concedes.

"From his trip! He said he has to go fo a while. He said he was sowwy he wouldn't see me on Chistmas." She smiles.

Andy can't find her voice. It's in there somewhere, but it's not making itself known. She continues to stare at Charlotte, figuring maybe she should have thought about what she was going to tell her about Sam not being around much anymore. It's been nine days. He's only been gone nine days. How did this get so serious so fast? Charlotte's been with her for five months, nine days of the man she's known for three of those months is just not here. And won't be.

And suddenly Andy is twelve years old again. Waking up the morning after her parents worst fight, expecting to find them silent on opposite sides of the kitchen... but both there. Instead she sees just her dad. And she feels everything rushing back, all the fights, all the words said, her leaving. Without a goodbye. The years where she felt lost and unloved, all because her dad withheld the fact that Claire still wanted her, but he wouldn't let her. Granted she didn't try hard enough... but maybe now, she gets it.

_"If you're going to walk out of our lives, it's better to do it now than in a few weeks, or months, or god forbid years."_

_"I called every Sunday. Every Sunday. Your father wouldn't let me talk to you."_

_"You were confused. You were a little kid and you needed things to be stable."_

She draws out a deep breath, and closes her eyes for a moment. The full weight of what's happened here hits her like a ton of bricks.

Before she can say anything to Charlotte, she looks back out the picture window and smiles widely.

"Sammy!" She shrieks as a silver pickup pulls up to the curb. Andy whips her head around to see what she's seeing, and suddenly her body moves into action. She stands quickly, pushing past Tommy to get to the door.

"Kid-"

"No, dad, I have to... I just need a few minutes. Just, make yourself scarce." She says, on the move out the door.

He's coming around the back of the truck with a gift bag under his arm when she hits the driveway and then she just stops there. When he looks up and stops his muttering and head shaking, and sees her, he stops too, seemingly taking his cues from her.

She finds herself taking a tentative step, which gets him walking again. He looks good. Keeping up his health kick, she guesses. His face looks a little less grave, and his shoulders a little less heavy. She guesses he went to St. Catherine's, spent some time with Sarah's family. If she even has one. Or his parents. If that's even...

She hopes he had somewhere. Why didn't she ask if he had somewhere to go?

"Hey, McNally. Look I know you don't want me here, I just had to drop this off, and-"

"It's okay Sam. It's.. okay." She says, immediately dismissing the fact that he felt like this was crossing the line. He was, but, all of a sudden that line was fading fast. Here, in front of her, was what was easing the hollow ache. Dulling the silver knives. "All of it."

He looks at her with an inquisitive brow and as he searches her guilty and sad eyes he relaxes, gives her a small smile.

"It was a weird day. You know? It was just one of those days where all of the voices in my head just piled up, and got the better of me." She admits, kicking at some of the snow between them. Her eyes are focused down, shamefully, afraid that maybe now he doesn't even want to be a part of their lives. Afraid the nine days of peace, and his normal single life reminded him of what he truly wants.

"I know that you care about us. I know that you are not the kind of person who would just leave. I mean, especially out of the two of us, that was always me, and I should _know_-"

"Andy!" He interrupts, trying to reel her back in a little more. "Hey, I got it. I get it. And I will be out of here in a second, I just wanted to drop this off for Charlotte. For both of you, there's one for both of you."

He hands her the poinsettia gift bag, and begins backing away, and she's trying to find a way to ask him to come in for a minute, say hi to the little girl waiting anxiously at the window. However she's saved by the bell with the call of "Sammy!" coming from the front door behind them.

Andy turns to see Charlotte gripping Tommy's hand as he helps her down the front porch steps in her snow boots and pink onesie pyjamas. She focused on her feet on the stairs, but once she hit the last step, she ripped her hand free of Tommy's and came towards them as her little feet would carry her.

Sam looks at Andy for permission to reciprocate the emotion, the excitement, to know if it's okay for him to give her a hug, and she simply nods in understanding, moving out of the way of the racing toddler.

"Hey Charlotte." He says, kneeling down to her level to accept the hug.

Andy turns her attention away from him pulling her gift from the bag that was now set in front of them, and looks to her father who's standing at the bottom of the porch, arms folded in front of him.

"You gotta work today McNally?" Sam asks, bringing her attention back to them.

"Yeah, I was actually just about to head for the station when..." She mutters, figuring he can figure out the rest of it.

The difference on his face from when he pulled up, to now with Charlotte perched on his knee staring at the wrapped present and waiting for permission is completely different. He adores her. She can see it. She knows it's not something that will just disappear for either of them. She knows that look because she's seen it in herself.

"Give me two minutes and I'll drive you. Give Charlie sometime to tell me all about what Santa brought her." He says, tapping the box in her hands. She beams at him happily and shakes the box again.

Andy smiles at them both before turning around and heading for the house to get her things.

Passing Tommy, she avoids eye contact and walks right into the house.

"Andy... I thought you talked to him." He says, watching her grab her bag off the floor .

"I did. I did, and I nearly believed that I was right. So thank god he showed up today." Andy says bitterly, slinging her bag over her shoulder and reaching for her travel mug.

"Kiddo, I know it seems like everything is all right for now but-"

"No! Dad, no. You swayed me on this once, but not again." Andy turns, giving him her full attention and fury.

"I thought you agreed."

"Agreed what? That it's okay to pull the only person she gets excited about out of her life? Someone who loves her unconditionally without biological or legal obligation?"

Tommy sighs and rubs his forehead, wondering exactly where they lost common interest.

"No, I thought you agreed that she needed stability." He says, trying to rub her arm, calm the hostility between them, but she shakes it off.

"You mean like for me when you refused to let my mother speak to me?" Andy nearly yells, letting the truth finally come out.

"Andy, she left us."

"She left you! She left you, and you wouldn't let her talk to me, I thought she didn't want me." Andy yells at last, losing the last of her control. She stares at him, letting the water in her eyes spill out over the brim, and he says nothing, but looks as hurt as she's ever seen him.

The look of hurt on his face suddenly rids her of her anger, recognize that this was not the time, and not the way to talk about him.

"Dad..." She starts, wanting to find away to apologize.

"You need to hit the road." He says under his breath, moving past her to the door and calling for Charlotte to come back in before she catches her death.

Andy huffs out a deep breath and follows.

* * *

"You okay over there?" Sam asks as soon as they're safely in the truck. They haven't even pulled away yet, and she's already breaking down her front. She lets her face fall into her hands and take another deep breath.

"Not really. Can we just..." She says, gesturing to the road ahead of them. He takes one last look at her, and she gives him a defeated smile.

"Yeah, of course."

They pull away from the curb and get two minutes away before she finally begins to acknowledge him.

"He's not happy about this." Andy sighs, continuing to watch the city pass by.

"About me?"

"Yeah."

"Wow. Well, right to the point there McNally." He says, trying to let her words go through him and not sink in. Tommy was always someone Sam respected, and felt respect him in return, but this idea that he's been pulling the girls away from him, using their past to make Andy doubt him... it didn't sit right.

"I wish he'd just realize that not everyone is going to let him down. That he can trust people, that he can trust me to make my own decisions." Andy vents, using various hand motions, and getting more animated by the words.

"Kind of reminds me of someone..." Sam smiles, just small, letting her take a minute to smile, or give him a look, he'll take either one. Hearing her call him 'an idiot' will never get old.

"You're an idiot. And yes, I know, he passed down his pathological fear of abandonment, but I'm working on it. He's just... stuck." She sighs again, more sadly this time.

He doesn't really know what to do with that, so he stays quiet, figures that she'll just keep talking until she's come to her own conclusion as she usually does. But this is going into foreign territory, talking about her dad... her mom by extension.

"But I don't want to be stuck anymore, Sam." She looks at him when they get to a red light. He feels her staring at the side of his head, and knows she wants to look him in the eye before she continues. Get a feel for where his heads at. So he gives in, looks her way. "I want to let go of the fear that everyone is going to disappear. And by everyone I mean you. I want this to be good, I want us to be good, I want Charlotte to have you in her life."

"And I want to be there." He insists, confirming what she already knows, just in case.

"Good. Then we'll just start there." She smiles, closing the matter as they pull into the lot outside of the division. Plenty of time to get ready before parade.

She gathers her jacket and bag in her arms and reaches for the door to slide out and be on her way when Sam grabs her arm.

"You going to the New Years thing? The dinner, award thing?" He didn't even know where he was going with it until the words were out of his mouth, but there they were.

"Well I hadn't planned on it. I don't really have a dress or a babysitter or-"

"Go with me." He says quickly before she spit out all the reasons that it would be too inconvenient.

She bites back the giant grin that she wants to give him, trying to keep some of the balls in her court.

"I'll rope Izzy into sitting, or someone else, let me take care of it but- Let's just start. With this."

She can't hold back her smile any more, and let's it take over her face. She doesn't even know what she's doing when she leans in to kiss him on the cheek. And Sam, not expecting it, turns to face her, and their lips meet in the middle.

He tries to pull away, realizing that this was not her intention, this was not a slow start, but as he begins to pull back, Andy grabs on to his shirt and keeps him where he is. She holds him a little longer until he realizes that she wants him to respond.

Finally they hear more car doors closing and the rest of the shift arriving and they know they're running out of time, so she pulls back, swiping her thumb over the lips she's missed so much.

"Have a good shift." She smiles before sliding out of the truck with a dopey look on her face, and disappearing into the division.


	12. Chapter 12

"Mommy!" Charlotte bellowed from her seat on the couch downstairs as Andy put the back on her earring and stepped away from the full length mirror to admire Traci's handiwork. "Mooooommmmy, Sammy's here!"

Her down to the ground emerald dress wrapped itself tightly right at her waists narrowest spot and fell elegantly from there, leaving her shoulders bare, as well as most of her back. The sweetheart neckline dipped at just the right spot, leaving her clavicle bare. She had a feeling Sam would appreciate it.

She felt oddly overdressed. She's not sure she's ever had quite this much... going on at once with her appearance. Her hair, the makeup, dress and jewellery... the only time she ever pictured this much fancy on her was when she was planning a quickee wedding.

"Just a second Charlie!" Andy calls back, shimmying the dress a little higher on her chest, where it sat appropriately.

Traci comes bounding up the stairs, no doubt having just let Sam in, and left him with Steve, Leo and Charlotte in the living room. The two of them opted out of the grand event in order to have a more intimate celebration, and offered to make Charlotte apart of it when Andy dropped the hint about needing someone to watch her. Andy needed Traci's help with her hair and makeup so she figured getting ready at her place would be easiest.

"Andy you look great. Just breathe." Traci smiles, holding her best friends shoulders. "We already know he'd sleep with you."

They laugh together, and Andy pushes Traci just slightly, smiling widely. She turns back the mirror, raising her hand to her tear drop earrings again, making sure they're both fastened. And then smoothes the skirt of her dress before reaching for her clutch on the night stand.

"He's going to laugh at me." She sighs. "This fancy stuff, this isn't us, it's not me."

Traci looks at her best friend with a knowing smile, and puts her arm around her, leading her out of the bedroom.

"Yeah, I forget you've never seen him in a tux. He looks good. Very Bond." Traci laughs. "Wait here, and I'll announce your entrance."

(Of course Frank and Noelle's wedding was missed by Andy. It happened too soon after Jenny died, she couldn't bear to go. It broke her heart not being a part of the celebration, but she trusted that the event would be well documented).

Traci bounces down the stairs happily, and Andy feels all the butterflies that have been in her stomach since the other morning in Sam's truck find flight again. She takes a very, very deep breath, and then takes her first step down the stairs.

* * *

_"That one's purdy." Charlotte sighed, watching Andy try on the tenth dress that morning. _

_The poor girl begged to come with her and Traci when she told them about her "ball" with Sam. Charlotte's face lit up as though it was a dream come true, and she began telling her which dresses would look good on her based on which princess she most looked like. Before they left the house, Charlotte was yammering on about how she looks like Belle, but she should wear a green dress. A green dress as big and grand as Belle's. While Andy explained the party wasn't fancy enough for one of those dresses, Charlotte started telling her about the gown she'd wanted to get her for Christmas, but grandpa said no. And so they went all the way to the Bay on Yonge street to see if it was still in stock, but it was gone._

_Charlotte being three, accepted it rather well, and delighted in searching through other ones, but they decided that anything they found left after Christmas wouldn't be the right fit for a New Years gala. _

_So they traipsed a little further and wound up in a bridal store. They looked through a few of the dresses otherwise reserved for proms, and found some bridesmaids dresses._

_Having Charlie there, they kept away from the subject of being the other maid of honour, and kept their minds on the task at hand._

_"Yeah, but, it's a little much... Trace?" Andy asked, turning away from the three sided mirror on the platform and to her friend who was guarding the toddler in her lap._

_"Yeah, that giant flower isn't doing anything for me. And orange... no. Try the green one." She sighs, pulling Charlotte nice and close and resuming their story, 'Charlotte's Web'. While it's a pretty advanced for her, and Traci has to explain most of it more simply, they seem to have made a serious dent since starting. Charlotte adored that her name was in the title... up until she realized it was the name of a spider._

_"What do you say Charlie, the green one?" Andy asked, as upbeat as possible, trying to keep her energy high so she can make it to her afternoon nap._

_Charlotte just nods tiredly, and rests up against Traci, who begins reading softly while Andy grabs the remaining dresses from the rack and disappears back into the dressing room._

* * *

It feels like prom. Well actually, she wouldn't know, she didn't go to hers. Thought it was going to be overrated, and opted to hang out with a few of her friends instead. So all this, is new. Her first grand descent down a set of stairs to a man awaiting her. Someone who's waiting to put a flower on her wrist and whisk her away for a night of wining and dining. Though, she fails to see Sam actually get on the dance floor...

All those thoughts are banished away as she the living room comes into view from where she is half way down the stairs. Sam is standing there, holding Charlotte, staring at her with a slack jaw. His eyes sparkle, she actually sees them _sparkle_, and he chews the inside of his cheek trying to tamp down a smile.

She does her best to keep the heat spreading in her stomach from showing on her cheeks, but she has a feeling that no amount of foundation can hide it. She grabs onto the railing closer to the bottom because she just knows that if she loses her footing now, he'll break his amazingly sweet gaze and she won't see it again for a very long time.

And as she hits the landing, he sets Charlotte (who's smile looks as though it may break her face) on the ground, and straightens his black suit jacket. He takes two slow steps towards her, and suddenly he's offering her his arm, and it's all so cordial and weird that she feels the need to break it all and make a face at him, so he sticks his tongue out at her. She smiles widely, knowing he's doing his best to mimic her, and then their pulled out of their little world when Steve enters the hall.

"Wow, you kids look great." He chirps.

As they turn to face him, he pulls up his digital camera and snaps a picture, taking them both off guard. Charlotte laughs evilly and Andy crouches down to her level to laugh with her.

"Okay miss Charlotte. You are going to listen to Aunt Traci, you are not going to make a mess, and you will have a nap before midnight. Okay?" She instructs, giving her the no nonsense voice and face. Charlotte nods her head, still smiling, and gives Andy a quick kiss. "And I will call you at midnight. Be a good girl."

"Yup yup. You look purdy mommy." She smiles, kissing Andy's nose and then rubbing hers against it in an Eskimo kiss. It had become a common thing actually, since she got sick. Andy doesn't even have to guess just where or who she picked it up from.

"Then I guess we're off." She announces, to everyone, before awkwardly reaching for her jacket out of the closet and slipping it on. "Right, okay."

Sam looks at her with raised eyebrows, wondering where all this awkwardness and tension is coming from, but he knows better than to try and loosen her up know. Right now he just wants to be alone with her, and on their way to their 'start'.

He goes for the door figuring he's going to have to take some sort of action before she says anything else, and guides her out into the crisp cold.

* * *

_"Hello?"_

_"Hi, dad. It's Andy." She said into the phone, a little quietly, and slightly afraid. The incident was only two days ago, but when she came home from work that night, he said very little and then took off. She knew this had caused a rift, and she knew it was one that wouldn't simply evaporate either._

_"Oh. Hello." He said stiffly. _

_Thomas McNally was both a stubborn and proud man. It's where she got it from after all. It's why it took him so long to realize that he had no choice other than getting sober. She fears it's why they'll never see eye to eye here when it is her choice to make._

_"Dad, about the other day-"_

_"It's fine Andrea, you're the parent, I understand perfectly. What you say goes, you and you alone call the shots." _

_It wasn't the words so much that bother her as it is the way he said them all in one breath, like it's rehearsed and insincere. _

_"No, dad, that's not what I'm... Look. I know you don't agree. But their relationship has nothing to do with me, and if you'd ever seen them together, you'd get it." She said with a small amount of a plea in her voice, trying to move the conversation to a place where she can apologize._

_"I have Andy. I have, and I'm trying to tell you that anything can happen." The irritation in his voice evident. Like she doesn't remember the entire experience of Claire McNally leaving._

_"And I'm telling you that even if we were together, or he was her biological father, it wouldn't be any less of a risk. __**That's**__ what you should know." She had gotten louder since the call started, so she reigned it back in with a deep breath, and tried to get back to what she was calling for. "Listen, I'm going to the gala on New Years, and I was calling to ask if you could watch Charlotte." _

_"You could always ask her best pal Swarek to watch her, couldn't you?" He asked sarcastically._

_"I could, but he's taking me to the gala, and they have a strict 'no kids' policy." She bit back._

_He took a few moments before even taking his heavy sigh into the phone, and she rolled her eyes at his dramatics. She had been here, well, not specifically this scenario, with her father before. This weight and strain on their relationship is something that she'd been glad to be rid of. And here it was coming back._

_"I was planning on going to a meeting." His answer is so stiff, Andy knew he was lying. For a detective he's not very good at it. Or he got worse after leaving the force, but either way Andy's always been able to tell._

_She sighed eventually, realizing that this was going to be much bigger than she'd expected, and that neither would be backing down._

_"Are you really going to boycott to this extent dad?" She asked a bit bitterly. _

_"If that's how you choose to see it. I just had plans to go to the meeting." He said indifferently. She closed her eyes and bit down on her bottom lip, doing her best not to respond too hastily. She had to be careful with what words were said, because if there was anything Tommy was truly great at, it was the art of the guilt trip. He'd perfected it when he was drinking, but she doubted it was a skill that left when sobriety took over._

_"Fine. Thanks anyway. Bye." She said, hanging up the phone before he could even begin to play his hand. She only hoped this would drag on to hurt Charlotte._

* * *

He opens her door for her when they arrive at the truck, and holds her hand and helps her in. Once she's sure that her dress is all in with her, he closes the door gently, and she begins to wring her hands and scold herself for being such a wreck already.

Once he's slid into his seat, he looks to her, and she's trying so hard to look normal and relaxed that it's caused some creepy and tense smile to find its way to her face.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" He asks finally, wondering what's on both their minds.

"Ugh, I dunno. I _don't_ know. I'm really excited, and you look great and you're being great, but my brain is just every where all at once and I'm having-"

"Andy." Sam interrupts softly, causing her to bite her lip, close her eyes and then slowly turn towards him, calm again. He adjusts himself so that he's slightly closer to her, and facing her a little better, and then slides one hand to her neck, and rubs where it meets her shoulders. She relaxes significantly and rather obviously with a content sigh. And while her eyes are still closed, he guides her head to his and kisses her softly, and quickly. "It's just me."

All of a sudden, the butterflies, the heat, the knots, they're all gone. It's just them and it's any other night. It's just them and they're starting here.

"I know." She says, looking him in the eye, and finally feeling like her normal self for the first time since she put the dress on. "It's these clothes, I swear, they're changing me."

"Well, how about we go put in some time at this party, and then we'll rush back and get out of them." He grins, pleased with his own innuendo.

She smiles back at him, not putting any stock in the seriousness of his quip, but thankful that he's bringing back the old them. Because this is exactly what she'd been missing.

* * *

It's not until their on a rented party room in the top floor of a skyscraper downtown, that she realizes that there's something missing.

She's seen most of the people she knew would be coming out. Oliver and Celery came, Dov and Chloe, Chris and his... friend (they weren't quite sure what she is, but they get along and they're very sweet together). And it seemed everyone else was working or spending the New Year celebration with their families.

They laughed through dinner with their friends, and shared a couple of drinks at the bar with detectives and cops from TPS's many other divisions. Sam kept her close all evening and stayed tentative to her the entire night. He'd get pulled away to talk about a case, past or present, and he'd politely decline, or bring her on in with him. She even got him out on the dance floor for a slow dance.

(He put up very little protest, and held her tightly to him the entire time. He had one hand low on her back, and took her hand in his. His head was right up next to hers, and she felt the heat of his breath every time he felt the need to say something.

"I don't think you've ever gone this long without talking McNally."

"You know, this is the first time we've ever danced together."

"Do you think Oliver has plans to stuff leftovers in his pockets for later?"

It didn't matter what he was saying, he was saying it so softly, and only for her. And she just melted every time because the softness and tone, it made her think of how he'd talk to her in the morning, or into the early hours of the morning.)

But by eleven o'clock, she mostly just felt jealous of everyone who wasn't there.

New Years was usually a casual affair for her in her adult years. In past years she spent it working, or at the Penny, feeling like too much of a rookie to attend the fancier of TPS get togethers. Last year she spent it at Chris and Dov's with Gail. The four of them laughing, drinking, eating, just generally festive. But either way, it was a time for family.

When she was a kid, and her family was better and whole, Claire used to get them all bundled up and they'd bang pots and pans in the street. She's be allowed a sip or two of champagne. There was usually a party dress bought specifically for the occasion, and her parents dressed up a little too, despite it more often being just the three of them.

It felt wrong, all of a sudden, knowing that she'd dumped her own child off on her friend on such a night. Andy knows she puts more meaning into each holiday more than any sane person should, but she also recognizes that it's because her parents always worked to make it special for her. And she owed that to Charlotte. She got in her own head so often about trying to remember that she needs to be just Andy sometimes, but in her gut, she knew where she needed to be. And Sam wasn't oblivious to it either.

"C'mon." He says halfway through Superintendent Peck's speech, dragging her from their new seats at the bar to the coat check.

"What're you doing?" She asks, worried all of a sudden that someone will notice them begging off.

"You haven't been here. And I know exactly where you are." He says simply, handing their numbers to the bored woman behind the counter.

"What does that mean?" Andy asks, still relatively confused and curious.

"It means we're going home." He smiles, handing her her jacket and picking up her hand in his.

* * *

Twenty minutes later they're back outside Traci's house, and through the window she can see Traci, Leo and Steve watching the countdown on the TV, Steve dancing along to whatever the band in times square is playing.

"What..." She begins, but knows the answer and so gives up before the sentence is all the way out of her mouth.

"This is where you wanted to be." He says, pulling his keys out of the ignition, and hopping out of the truck before she can protest or tell him she tried. He opens her door, and helps her down out of the cab. And as they cross the street, he helps her dodge slush puddles, but still her feet are getting soaked and freezing, but they just keep up the pace, wanting to get inside and warm them up.

She knocks once on the door before trying the handle, and lets them into the house.

"Andy?! Sam... what... what?" Traci asks as she turns towards them, confused, but happy.

"Is she still sleeping?" Andy asks, figuring that Sam could finish filling her in on the thought process behind their sudden appearance on his own.

"Yeah... but..."

Andy takes to the stairs immediately after kicking off her shoes, and lets herself into Traci's room.

Upon spotting her little girl splayed out in the middle of the bed, she smiles and tip toes over to where she is.

She resorts to her usual method of waking Charlie and takes to rubbing her back soothingly until her eyes open.

"Did I miss it?" She mumbles tiredly, sitting up quickly.

"No baby, no. Sam and I came back to celebrate with you."

"Sammy?" She asks, smiling tiredly. It'll never not make Andy jealous to see her get so excited every time his name is uttered, but she adores it at the same time.

Andy nods and lifts Charlotte out of bed gently and brings her close to her chest, letting her know she still has time before midnight and can sleep against her until then. And making her way back down the stairs in her largely over dressed state, she stares on the collection of people she has to call family tonight.

Sam and Steve are sitting across from each other, beer bottle in both their hands chatting animatedly about something, probably work, and Traci is sprawled out on the couch with Leo, stroking his hair trying to convince him to stay awake.

Andy brought Charlotte to where Traci was seated and leaned back with her kid as well and they waited until the final few minutes leading up to the New Year began to run out.

"So he just grabbed you and got you both out of there?" Traci asks quietly, 'aw' expression all over her face. Andy nodded in response, and smiled down at Charlotte. "That's so sweet."

"I know." She agrees, looking over to where the men have relocated in the kitchen, already digging around for the pots and pans they'll use for noise makers in only a few minutes. "He's so... in it. You know, he gets it. It kind of takes my breath away."

"That's so cheesy Andy."

"Believe me I know." They both laugh, and the guys make their way in carrying all the gear, and slowly motion for them to get the kids up.

They managed to rouse the kids out of sleep and get them into their outside clothes. And after a brief explanation to Charlotte of what they're to do when midnight hits, they let them outside, but tell them to be quiet until they say.

The final ten seconds finally arrive, and while they count as a group, and make their way down to the road, following a few feet behind the kids, Sam wraps an arm around Andy, and rubs her arms to help keep her warm.

"5... 4... 3... 2... 1."

Sam pulls Andy in for quick peck, and they turn their attention to a spastic Charlotte who's so enamoured, being allowed to be as loud as she wants. And just when she thinks he can't say any more things to surprise her, he whispers,

"_Now_, it's a new beginning."


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: Okay, guys, I get that there are a few of you wanting to jump onto Sam's side here and say that Andy's not appreciating him enough, but if you're not getting why, or refusing to see either side rationally, you're better off unfollowing this story. I'm not here to make either one of them a villain or an ingrate. I'm also not here to tell the story the way ****_you _****think it should be written. I appreciate feedback, but let's just think about how it's being delivered. I take time to think about how everything is being put and portrayed, so, understand that there are reasons behind their actions.**

**People struggle, people make mistakes, and people do redeem themselves. We can love Sam despite his mistakes and flaws, so at least give Andy a chance to catch up. Sometimes these things take a while.**

**As far as leaving that party, it was my intention to show that they were there for a few hours, and ****_did _****enjoy themselves. I guess that didn't come across... and leaving during the speech was just show that if not for Andy, Sam wouldn't have come anyway, so it was of little consequence whether or not they were there to ring in the New Year. Do you really think Sam Swarek would really be happier hanging around a fancy place with white shirts than off somewhere a little more intimate and casual? No. He had fun, but he was good to go.**

**And then there were comments about Andy supposing to be able to have a guilt free night out. Andy's not so much guilty, as she feels that she needs to make memories with Charlotte because she hasn't been a parent very long. She feels very obligated to give Charlotte everything because she's over compensating for a lot of qualities she feels she lacks. I'm sure in time she will get over that, but it's all still new.**

**SORRY ABOUT THE REALLY LONG NOTE I JUST FIND IT IMPORTANT THAT EVERYONE HAS A SIMILAR UNDERSTANDING OF WHAT'S GOING ON! Okay, back to the story, again sorry.**

* * *

Things a couple of weeks into the New Year, are great. Great... but also, also hard.

Sam is being... Sam is perfect. She can't explain the feeling she has, but the hesitance on both of their sides that existed the first time, is gone. He trusts her, she can feel that shift.

He's not holding back because he's afraid she'll be gone one morning to say, oh I dunno, North Bay or undercover. Charlotte or no Charlotte, they're getting back the mutual trust they used to have. He's not breaking a promise, and she's not running. So far, it feels as new as he promised it'd be.

Andy looks up from her desk briefly, following this train of thought, and finds herself looking dreamily towards the detectives office, smiling wistfully. It's not until Oliver snaps his fingers in front of her face that she sits up straight and then returns to the phone record in front of her, and tries to focus.

But, yeah, it's also been tough.

Andy's not entirely sure what she expected of her father. Maybe she figured it would be like when she gave him the big ultimatum, her or the bottle. Accept Sam or lose her. Maybe that was bratty, but she just wanted everything to be right again. She wanted Sam, and she wanted her family, and she wants the two to be synonymous. She was tired of having to choose and constantly being forced to be only satisfied with half of what her heart desires.

But the saddest part was when it sunk in that she's not refusing to see Tommy. He's refusing to see her. It's not her ultimatum that's been issued.

"McNally? I'll finish off this page, you head on home." Oliver says from his desk across from hers.

He must've noticed the fact that she'd been sitting there blank and figured she was burnt out from her twelve hour day to end off her rotation. She could really, really use a couple of days to run and errands and catch up on rest.

She rubs one hand over her eyes and stands slowly, turning off her desk lamp and logging off of the computer. Stretching slowly, she twists her back and turns to the D's office again to see if she can spot Sam. He's sitting there, typing away at his keyboard, look of concentration and determination.

She decides she might as well see if he's good to leave too, make them both dinner, so she makes her way up and taps gently on the door, despite the fact that suits were coming in and out all the time.

"Hey, you gonna be done soon?" She asks, leaning her tired head against.

"Yeah, yeah, just a couple more things. You need a ride?" He asks, giving her his own tired look. Their shifts have managed to sync up wonderfully, and she's been lucky with having Frank help her out lately... but it looked like this was going to be regular for a while.

"Well, Charlotte's other car seat is in your truck anyway, and I was thinking I'd make you dinner tonight." She offers, feeling like he deserved a hell of a lot more than that.

Sam smiles lazily and rubs a hand over his face, trying to keep himself awake to finish up the last of his paperwork quickly.

"That sounds good. Go shower, I'll be done in a half hour?" He guesses, scrunching up his face while he checks his watch.

"Mkay." She yawns, covering her mouth and taking off down the steps and heading for the locker rooms.

* * *

They roll up to Tommy's house slowly, even the trucks final meters of rolling before they came to a halt were cautious. When Andy dropped her off she was in a rush, she planned it like that. Had enough time to hand over her backpack and stroller, and then took off to work.

Sam begins to open his door when Andy reaches over and stops him, placing her hand on his knee.

"You should probably wait here." Andy suggests, hoping he understands why she needs the rest of her night to be as easy as possible.

His eyebrows furrow for a half second before he realizes he really doesn't want to deal with whatever Tommy's got against him. At least not tonight.

Andy's told him everything about what happened, the words that were said, exactly where she was coming from when she fought him out of her life. Sam could see the man's point of view, but it had gone too far now, and it was only going to get worse with time. As much as he wanted it fixed, tonight was not the night. Tonight, they needed to get Charlotte home and in bed, and he and Andy needed sometime for themselves.

When he nods in agreement, she slips out of the truck and dashes up to Tommy's porch and stands there for a brief moment before ringing his doorbell.

Sam watches as the door opens, and Tommy's standing there with a sleeping Charlotte koala-ed across his front. Once he's jostled her into Andy's hold, he leans down to the floor pulling something up from behind the door and hands Andy a small backpack.

Sam can see that Andy's struggling to leave without even a small exchange. But as she crouches to jump a little and shimmy Charlotte up a little, she realizes her hold is slipping, she figures it's better to just leave. Tommy doesn't close his door until they're nearly at Sam's truck, and Sam's already out and has the door open so Andy can get Charlotte in without waking her. Hopefully.

Once they're sure that she's properly strapped in, Andy softly closes her door.

It's when it's closed, and she's still bracing her arms against, not so it closes quietly, but to hold herself up, that he realizes that she's not okay.

"Andy..." He says, knowing that it's what's going on with Tommy that's got her so muddled. He rubs a hand up and down her back for a moment, letting her collect herself, deciding they need to discuss this somewhere other than the street.

Andy pushes herself off of the door, and laughs and sniffles at the same time, swiping her hand under her nose just once.

"C'mon, we gotta get going, I'm starved." She says, moving around the truck rather quickly. It doesn't take an expert to know that he's giving her a forlorn look, and that he's not impressed that she wants to brush it off. But her own time, he thinks, she'll talk.

* * *

When they got to her house, Sam lifted Charlotte from her car seat, and grabbed her bag, insisting that Andy only worry about getting them inside. Charlotte lifts her head, waking up only for a moment to smile at him and fist her little hands in shirt a little more.

Sam silently kisses her hair while Andy takes the first steps into the house, turning on the lights and putting Charlotte's backpack by the door.

The house is completely quiet and dark down the hall, and all Sam can feel in the air is tension emanating from Andy.

She stalks off to the kitchen, because he assumes the last time she ate was the last time he ate; about nine hours ago. So he follows her in and perches him, and Charlotte who's still cradled gently against his front, onto a stool and watches Andy get the chicken breasts out of the fridge.

Andy looks at them both and smiles, but says nothing, letting Sam continue to run his fingers through her hair, and absently scratching at her scalp every once in a while. She recognizes the look on his face, and its total and pure love. The relaxed eyebrows, turned down eyes, and small smile that he's fighting to keep small. The revelation that love can come in a package so small and trusting. The fact that what she feels is unconditional and untainted. He's just feeling it all, and keeping her close to make sure that it never goes away.

Andy throws the chicken onto a dish and into the oven and grabs at some of the vegetables she chopped earlier from the fridge and a bag of lettuce from the crisper. It all feels so domestic, and oddly normal. White picket fence, and there should be a dog curled up on the mat by the back door. A dog named Boo.

"Andy, should I go put her to bed?" Sam asks, as she dumps the lettuce into a salad bowl.

She glances behind her to the oven timer and sees that they've got a bit of time yet.

"No, not yet." She says quietly, minding her child's sleeping state. "You could go to the living room though, get more comfortable."

Her suggestion is taken quickly and he walks with a slight sway to keep her soothe and sleeping.

Andy puts the vegetables in the salad and moves to the wine cabinet figuring that if he has a drink she'll be able to convince him to stay tonight. Just to sleep, they're exhausted, and Charlotte, and... they've kept that line drawn so far. Two weeks of re-integrating their lives, and still nothing more physical than making out in his truck. Physical compatibility is not an issue. Vocal communication, is.

There's no defined time that they've set where they will be intimate, just for now, everything else takes precedence. For now, she's enjoying the build.

Looking around the kitchen and seeing that there are fifteen minutes until the chicken will be done, she leaves the wine on the counter and goes in search of Sam. What she finds is him in the lazy boy recliner, laying back with Charlotte on his shoulder and sprawled down his front. She walks over and sits on the free arm and puts an arm around his shoulders and leans against him, falling just slightly into the small gap next to him.

He looks over at her once she's settled and rests his forehead against hers, eyes closed. He's fighting sleep, but so hungry that there's no way he can give in.

"Thank you for inviting me over." He says at last, grateful to be where he is right now. Happy that she's letting him in such a short time after expressing doubt.

"Thank you for coming, and being here, and being... where ever I need you to be." She whispers, reaching for his free hand. "I know that this is... kind of a circus, and I'm sorry that things can't always be-"

"Hey, no, stop. Things are good. I want you to be able to ask things of me, and depend on me." He admits. Sometimes it's easier for him to show that he's there for her than say it, but she's feeling insecure about it all and he feels the need to rise up. "You don't have to do everything on your own."

She sighs, feeling the heavier conversation coming, but smiles a little, loving that he always seems to have the perfect things to say.

That's something she's always loved about Sam. He may not say a lot of what's on his mind, but when he does, it always means something.

"With my dad-"

"Later, after..." He trails off, glancing at the sleeping toddler on his front.

They stay that way for another few minutes before she nearly dozes off and decides that she needs to be up and alert as to avoid burning the house down. She rises, and stretches, and Sam stands cautiously and swiftly, deciding Charlotte should be put to bed for a better sleep.

Before he can make his way upstairs, she grabs at his hand and pulls him towards her a little for a brief kiss.

"Thank you."

* * *

Not thirty minutes after their food is ready have they fallen into bed, too tired to move a muscle. Andy almost didn't bother with pyjamas, but figures they really didn't need the temptation of too much skin. Sam doesn't really seem to care though, he's down to his boxers.

She throws a giant shirt on and lazily brushes her teeth before throwing herself into bed and snuggling up to her man pillow Sam.

He rolls over onto his back and scoots further up the bed, sitting half way up against the bed frame, and opens up his arm, inviting her to join him. She stubbornly shoves her face into a pillow and groans, really so close to sleep, yet so far.

Eventually though, she obliges, and sits there, head on his shoulder, thinking about what it is she wants to say.

"I'm mad at him. I'm upset that he can't get over his pride and stubborn nature to consider that I'm not making a mistake." She admits, plucking at one of the hairs on his chest to distract her.

Sam says nothing but nods, and smoothes his thumb over the skin on her waist where his hand has fallen.

"I wish he would trust me to make these decisions. I feel like he doesn't trust that I'm being a good mother." Her voice cracks a little, and maybe it's because she still has doubts herself. Sam hates that this rift is causing her to feel a little more inept than she already did, but he's not in any position to offer up that Tommy's being completely irrational. "And he should talk, I mean he was far from perfect... but we're a family, and family's don't do this to each other."

She takes a deep breath, trying to gain a little control over everything coursing through her. Sam knows that this is already hard, and talking about it in such an unguarded time of day, or night rather, makes her more vulnerable. So he just presses a kiss to her forehead and scoots them back down the bed.

"He's going to come around Andy. He's not wrong to have reservations, but your dad is a smart guy and once he sees that this isn't doing anybody any good, he'll come around." He says, hoping it offers her real reassurance. "He loves you, both of you. You're his whole world. Imagine Charlotte being in a situation like ours, what would you do?"

He never thought until this moment that there is real potential for Andy to be in her fathers' shoes, and he uses it, hoping it helps.

"That's not..." She doesn't quite know how to tell him he's missing the mark so just takes a moment to collect her fading and sleepy thoughts. "My father looks at you, and sees my mom. He would never have taken her back after what she did... he wouldn't even let her have me. But... what happened with us was different. So different, but he doesn't care."

She's frustrated, and mostly hopeless that they'll make any more sense of it tonight.

"We'll figure it out." She says, not believing it. "But not tonight, so let's just get some sleep."

"Okay," He agrees, adjusting his head on his pillow and taking a deep breath and powerful exhale to rid them of the heavy conversation. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight."


End file.
